


A Night of Dark Trees

by SpaceCat



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 21:50:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4495986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCat/pseuds/SpaceCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter the consequences — Psi-Corps would not take from her yet another person she cared about... Not without a fight. But how far will Susan have to go to save Talia? [Final chapter completed at last!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twilight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was started 2 years ago. I keep getting stuck on the ending, I've re-written it at least half a dozen times. The genesis (believe it or not) was the song "In The West" by Annie Lennox from LotR:The Return of the King (weird, I know). Particularly the lines "Safe in my arms, You're only sleeping."

> "To be sure, I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness will find banks full of roses under my cypresses." – Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"You're right, the Talia I knew is dead." Commander Susan Ivanova turned on her heel and stalked away. Even though the door slid closed behind her, she could swear the Alternate Personality's mocking laugher was following her down the corridor. She maintained her furious pace for a few moments, and then abruptly stopped.

No, she couldn't go back to her quarters. They would still be filled with memories of last night. Sights, sounds, Talia's smell... she couldn't face that yet.

The night before had redefined love, reconnecting her with the deepest parts of herself that no one had touched since her mother. Their minds merged as they'd made love, and Susan had reached out with her own latent abilities to bridge the final distance between them, unable to resist the desperate need to touch and be touched. For once in her life she had lowered her defenses completely, and had let Talia all the way in. Talia's surprise at her abilities had melted quickly into joy as she showed Susan how complete a true connection could be. It was the most profoundly intense fulfillment she had ever experienced.

Susan had awoken a short time later. Talia was still deeply asleep, the telepath's warmth draped across her. She hadn't realized before how hollow and one-dimensional her other relationships had been, all lacking that mental element that she subconsciously had always been searching for. Her mother's voice echoed through her mind. _Tell no one._ She felt suffocated suddenly, realizing what she had done, betraying her mother and revealing herself.

 _I’m sorry, Mama._ She needed to get away, to think without the distraction of Talia's body next to hers, and the telepath's mind so tantalizingly close. She could reach out with her mind right now, just one caress to wake her... _No!_ Slipping very carefully out from under the telepath, she dressed quietly and left her quarters. She had roamed aimlessly through the areas of Blue sector that she knew would be the emptiest, trying to come to terms with the conflicting loyalties of love and guilt. _Because I do love her… Oh Mama, what do I do now?_

And now after the activation of the alternate personality, Ivanova was wandering again. In less than twenty four hours her world had been turned upside down twice. Once in the finding, and then again in the losing. She headed towards the Zocalo, walking slower now, although she was no less agitated. Since the initial horror of that scene in Sheridan's office, she had been consumed by an entirely too-familiar agony. It was her mother's death all over. Yet again Psi-Corps, those bastards, had destroyed someone she loved.

But the Zocalo was too noisy and too crowded for her fragile nerves. She needed someplace where she could be completely alone. With some vague idea of taking her starfury out, she headed for the flight bays, lost in a fog of misery.

The fog broke when she found herself in Bay 13 staring at the subtly shifting patterns of Kosh's ship. Not surprisingly, no one else was in the bay. Ivanova was the only person on board the station that wasn't frightened away by it, and she sometimes came here to watch the hypnotic motions on its skin.  What others found disturbing, she found beautiful and soothing. And if ever she needed a calming influence, it was now. She climbed up an access ladder to her favorite spot on one of the overhead catwalks and meditatively gazed down upon the ship. Always before she had let her mind go blank, but Talia had taught her a different awareness last night. Cautiously she opened her mind to the ship's psychic whispers.

At first there was nothing.  Her thoughts were muddled and chaotic, and she struggled to focus, staring at the ship's ever-changing patterns to try and calm her mind.  Gradually, the flowing designs entered and filled her thoughts, and she let everything else in her mind slide to one side, while her breathing calmed and her heartbeat slowed.  She floated there for a long time before taking out her memories of the last day and looking at them dispassionately.  She played them back and forth like a recording, her eidetic memory recalling every moment with perfect clarity, visiting and revisiting her every sense and interaction with Talia from the moment the telepath had surprised her with a kiss that ignited long-smoldering desires, to the point that Lyta Alexander had sent the password, right up to her last words to the Alternate Personality.

Briefly she felt a faint pull at the back of her mind. Something about the conversation with the Alternate Personality bothered her. One night of passion wasn't a lifelong commitment, but surely she and Talia were more than "good and dear friends." And Talia knew about her secret telepathic abilities, although the telepath hadn't spoken of them the next day. So why didn't the Alternate Personality know? The cold and twisted persona that the Psi-Corps had created would surely have enjoyed taunting her with that bit of knowledge and its implicit threat.

The mental hum from the ship intensified, and she felt the tug again, much stronger now. She concentrated on it, stretching her latent abilities to the utmost, trying to discover its source. It wasn't coming from the ship, but it was familiar. Its gentle golden warmth reminded her of Talia. The _real_ Talia.

Ivanova followed that slender awareness back to older memories. Arguments, brief truces, polite if strained conversations; the whole of her uneven acquaintance with the telepath flowed forwards and backwards through her mind. Again the insistent pull came, and suddenly she remembered something Garibaldi had reported last year about Talia and Kosh. The Vorlon had recorded part or all of Talia's personality onto a data crystal.  _"Reflection, surprise, terror. For the future."_ What had that meant really? She rolled the thought around, trying to make sense of it.

Could the information on the data crystal overcome the artificial personality? She had no clue how to use it, but it was the only option that she could think of at the moment. Maybe a really strong telepath could help, but the only telepath that she knew on station was Lyta Alexander, and there was no way that she would seek help from that quarter, even if Lyta had been strong enough.

Lost in her musing, Ivanova was startled when a cascade of alien images from the sentient vessel surged through her mind.  They were mostly incomprehensible, and she struggled to understand them, confused by their alienness. Only two stood out.  A tall stand of some sort, shaped and patterned in a manner that could only be Vorlon, surrounded by billowing of white gas. She couldn't see the floor or the rest of the room, but the clouds parted briefly and she caught the faint gleam of a data crystal resting in it.  As she strained to see more, the image shifted again. A group of Minbari stood silent and unmoving on a desolate plateau, their long white robes swirling in the wind. Although they wore no distinguishing mark, somehow she knew they were telepaths.

The images stopped as abruptly as they had begun, leaving her momentarily off balance. _Wait, Minbari telepaths?_   The Minbari had them, she knew; Delenn had arranged for them to accept Alisa Beldon.  If they could help, would they?  What was her alternative? Give up now and lose Talia.  Could she face that? A bolt of pain shot through her at the thought and anguish echoed through the warm connection at the back of her mind.

She would just have to proceed as if the Minbari could and would help, she decided. And she'd better have the crystal before she talked to Ambassador Delenn.  The image had been of Kosh's quarters, she was sure. _Is showing me the same as permission?_ But she couldn't risk Kosh saying no, so she'd have to break into his quarters.  If Delenn would help Talia, maybe she'd give Ivanova asylum too.

"So how do I do it?" Ivanova jumped slightly at the sound of own voice, not realizing that she’d spoken aloud. She directed the question at the ship mentally, trying to reestablish the fleeting link she’d just shared with it.

Only silence from the ship. The patterns had resumed their faint motion, once again oblivious to her.

Ivanova stood and began to pace back and forth on the catwalk. "How?" she repeated to herself. It wasn’t just getting the crystal and convincing Delenn, there was finding and stealing a ship, evading Earth Force and the Psi-Corps, getting Talia off Babylon 5 without the Alternate Personality frying her brain; the list was endless. Like chess pieces, she moved various ideas around trying to create a coherent plan. The level detail necessary was overwhelming. But there was that itch again, that gentle tug at the back of her mind. _Focus_. She couldn't let Talia down.

She stopped pacing, her mind made up.  The chances were remote at best but she had to take them. She'd never be able to live with herself if she didn't try.  No matter the consequences — Psi-Corps would _not_ take from her yet another person she cared about.

Not without a fight.


	2. Perchance to Sleep

Back in her quarters, Ivanova moved into the bedroom and from the back of a drawer, she pulled out some old clothes that had been her mother's.  Wrapping them up into a vague sort of package, she stuffed them into a shapeless shoulder bag and then changed out of her uniform. She put on something she hadn't worn in a while and gave her long hair a quick brush. With a final glance around, she left her quarters, heading for the Zocalo and the casino.

Careful to not do anything out of the ordinary, Ivanova went to her usual spot and ordered a drink, unobtrusively watching the security guard by the door.  He should be going off duty right about now.  Only a couple of sips into her drink, she looked up to see him moving away from his post in preparation for his relief.  She slid off her stool while his back was turned and headed for the public restroom.  There she changed into the other clothes she had brought – a nondescript, flower-print dress with an oversized head-scarf of similar material, and some sensible ordinary shoes.  She pulled her hair into a ponytail then pinned it up and put the scarf on.

Checking herself in the mirror she blanched momentarily, shocked to see her mother looking back at her. No wonder her father hadn’t been able to look her in the face for so long.  She shook it off, stuffed her clothes into her bag and peeked out the door.  The security guards had finished their rotation.  In with one guard and out with the other, neither realizing her change in appearance.

Leaving the casino, Ivanova headed for brown sector and Down Below.  She kept her gaze on the floor and hunched her shoulders slightly, trying to look like any other tired worker heading home after a long day. It was just past the "Hour of Scampering" and as she expected, no one gave her a second glance as she melted into the stream of people and aliens that thronged the corridors. First stop, Stephen's illicit but still open clinic.  If they didn't have what she needed, there were other ways to get things in Down Below.

The clinic was not quite empty when she got there.  There was one patient in the waiting room, and one with the medtech on duty. She hoped that it wasn't Stephen; that could definitely complicate matters.  She kept her head down so that the scarf mostly concealed her face, but let her peak out of the corner of her eyes. She heaved a silent sigh of relief when the patient was escorted out by a sweet looking middle aged woman in a lab coat.  One patient down, one to go.  This one, a tall, reedy young man who looked like he'd lost a battle with a Minbari fighting pike, took a while.  She was getting impatient, and more than a little nervous, hoping against hope that no other patients would show up after her.  But finally he came out and it was her turn.

She entered the examination room cautiously.  A voice came from behind a screen where she could hear water splashing. "Just go ahead and sit on the examination bed, dearie," came the cheerful voice.  "Loosen your clothes so I can check you out and we'll see if we can't fix you up."

Ivanova dropped her bag silently on the floor and headed straight for the voice.  Slipping her hands around the woman's neck, she applied pressure to the carotid arteries with military precision, and within seconds the body slid to the floor unconscious. Quickly she started poking through the available drugs knowing that she had very limited time; she didn't dare put the woman any further under.  Just as she found the one she wanted, she stumbled on a second one. Considering Stephen's other illicit activities over the last few months, she was surprised to see it. With only slight hesitation, she gathered up as many doses as there were and dumped them all into her bag. Good, that solved one of her major problems.  Easier than she'd hoped.

She eased the unconscious woman up onto the examination bed, and ran a med scanner over her.  No oxygen deprivation damage, she'd be coming around any second now.  "Sorry about that," she whispered.  She picked up her bag and left as sedately as she could manage, hoping once again that no one else had showed up.

Next stop, public terminal access.  Someplace anonymous.  She had a few schedules to adjust.

 

*

 

Commander Ivanova strode purposefully into C&C the next morning at precisely 0800.  "Report!"

Erwin looked up at her in relief, "There's one little problem, ma'am..."

"Commander Ivanova!"  The newly strident voice of Talia Winters cut in.  "I demand to know why my ship isn't leaving as scheduled!"

Hiding the ironic smile that threatened to reveal itself, the Commander turned to her with a professionally neutral expression.  "What seems to be the problem, Ms. Winters?  I have not been informed of any scheduling changes."

Pointing imperiously, the telepath said, " _He_ says that there's some sort of maintenance being done that will prevent my ship from leaving.  I demand to know..."

Commander Ivanova held up a restraining hand stopping the flow of the telepath's words.  "Lt. Corwin, what bay is Ms. Winters' ship in now?"

"Bay 17, Commander."  Corwin swallowed nervously.

Ivanova frowned at him.  "That bay isn't scheduled for maintenance for another two weeks, Lieutenant.  Explain."

"I know it isn't.  I don't know how it happened, Commander, but I checked the list again, and it says this morning."

"Show me."  She walked over to his panel as he brought the information on screen.  "Yes, so I see.  Well, have them stop immediately so that Ms. Winters," she gave the telepath a chill smile, "can leave Babylon 5 at her earliest convenience.  And then start tracking down how this happened."

Corwin swallowed again.  "Um, well..."

"What is it now, Lieutenant?"

"They've already shut down the rotor engines for the outer bay doors, ma'am."  He paled at her furious look.

Ivanova paused a moment for calculated effect.  "Well then have them bring them back up again, Lieutenant," she said slowly and pointedly.

"Yes, ma'am, I already did, but you know it'll take 24 hours to get the system re-pressurized."  Corwin wished he was anywhere but here as the telepath turned back to him.

"24 hours?"  Winters was really furious now.

Ivanova put up a placating hand, once again professionally neutral.  "I'm very sorry Ms. Winters, but he is right.  The system will need to be re-pressurized before the bay doors can be opened.  Rest assured, I will find out how this happened, and that we will get your ship out of here as early as possible tomorrow morning."  Again the chill smile.  "I'm sure one more day won't make that much difference in your plans."

Winters looked from one to the other, debating whether to make more of a scene.  The Lieutenant was transparently truthful to her, but Ivanova she wasn't so sure about. However, there wasn’t anything more to be gained by unnecessarily antagonizing the Commander.  "Very well.  But make certain that there will be no more delays," she said haughtily.

"Of course, Ms. Winters," said Ivanova smoothly.  "You have my personal word that I will get you off this station at the earliest possible opportunity."

"Fine."  Winters stormed out.

Once the lift doors closed, Ivanova heaved a sigh of relief.  Thank goodness the telepath hadn't tried to scan her or cause more trouble.  "What else do we have on the docket this morning, Lieutenant?  Nothing quite as troublesome, I hope?"

"No ma'am, just routine.  I'm sorry about..."

Ivanova interrupted, "It's all right, Corwin.  I know it wasn't your fault.  Just make sure that nothing more happens to delay her ship's departure."

"Yes, Commander."

 

*

 

2000 hours. Part B of her plan ready to go into action. First: Neutralize the Alternate Personality so that it couldn’t interfere with her other plans for the evening. She didn’t need it wandering around and figuring out what she was up to.

Since the telepath's ship had been scheduled to leave this morning, she had already given her quarters up. Ivanova had programmed the station's computers to monitor all the hotels and guest quarters, and notify her when the telepath engaged one for the night. She just hoped that the Alternate personality would want to eat out, leaving her rooms empty for a while.

Ivanova strolled around the Zocalo, trying to look casual while keeping a close eye out for Winters.  It was about the hour the telepath could be expected to be having dinner somewhere. Making one circuit of the bazaar area eateries, she didn't see her target.  Making her way around a second time more slowly, she finally spotted her at a little side table in the Fresh Air Restaurant, just now getting served. Good, that left her plenty of time.

She headed to where Winters was staying by a circuitous route, avoiding as many regulars and security personnel as possible. Her only fear at this point was getting noticed and recognized by someone.  She had returned to her quarters earlier and changed out of her uniform, putting on a plain coverall like the station’s maintenance crew used, but she was not exactly an unknown face to many of the people who lived and worked in red sector.

Once she reached the door, it was child’s play to get into the suite. The Commander left everything untouched and entered only as far in the room as necessary to obscure herself to one side of the door.  Then the wait began.  She calmed herself as much as possible, knowing that the telepath would sense any strong emotion in the room.  Having learned to block a casual scan from her mother, she worked on setting what minimal mental shields she possessed so as to project as little as possible.  Even as it was, she'd probably have very little time before Talia's abilities warned her of danger.  Not that she intended to harm the telepath, but the Alternate Personality would certainly have other ideas about what constituted danger.  She got the injector out and ready.

 

*

 

2100 hours.  The personality inhabiting the body of Talia Winters breezed gaily into her suite.  In the morning finally, she'd be able to get off this damn backwater station and back to civilization.  Too late her senses warned her, and she whirled around to meet the business end of the injector as it hissed against her neck.  Her face showed shock and surprise, "You!"  Then she collapsed.

Ivanova caught her before she hit the floor and picked her up, cradling the slender form easily.  She gently laid her out on the couch, arranging her limbs comfortably. "Sorry, Talia," she whispered. She focused on that tingle in the back of her mind that she had been experiencing ever since the Vorlon ship had showed it to her.  It was quiet at the moment, but she felt the faint ghost of it still. Experimentally, Susan concentrated, trying to touch Talia's mind.  Holding both Talia's hands in hers, her limited awareness slowly focused on the dimmed and illusive warmth that was the telepath's unconscious mind.  It was subtly different from the addition of the Alternate Personality, but there was still an element of her Talia there.  Painstakingly Susan felt her way around the margins trying to find a way in.

Nothing. Long moments passed, but without the awake and active Psi energy of a full telepath to guide her in, her latent abilities couldn't touch Talia's mind. Unless the alternate personality was blocking her somehow even while unconscious, she could only sense around the edges. She sighed. It had been worth a try, not that she had any idea what to do if she had gotten in.

She went over to the wall unit where the service bot was. It was a modified version of the maintenance bots that were in use all over the station, so it was bigger than necessary for its automated tasks around the hotel room. She slid the storage compartment door open and removed the few supplies there, sending them down the recycler chute. The bots had a pre-programmed time to return to the service barn where they got re-supplied and checked out for their next assignment, so she pulled the control board out and set a few jumpers, reprogramming both time and location.

She needed a way to get them both off the station and although two people wouldn't fit in her starfury, she knew there was a Drazi fighter down in the maintenance bay.  Having been Purple Leader for many months, she had some passing familiarity with Drazi systems and felt sure that she could manage the powerful little fighter.  This was assuming she could get herself and Talia on it before anyone discovered what she was up to. She figured that she had at least until morning when the telepath’s new flight was scheduled to leave.

Reprogramming done, she went to the couch and lifted Talia’s inert body, carefully tucking it into the storage compartment of the bot.  It was a close fit, but even though the telepath was almost as tall as Ivanova, she was slender enough that her body folded into the small space neatly.  Finding something to tuck under Talia's head, Ivanova gave a final stroke to the blond hair before closing the compartment up and initializing the new programming. She checked the time on her link and hurried out of the suite. She needed to get to green sector.

 

*

 

2200 hours. Using her own security clearances to enter green sector, Ivanova stopped and cautiously ducked down a side hall to avoid a security patrol.  While the command staff was authorized in this restricted zone, and the system would have logged her entry, she didn't want anyone to see her just yet.  With typical Russian fatalism, she assumed that Sheridan and the others would find out what she was up to sooner rather than later, but that was no reason to invite unnecessary questions now.

She loitered in and around the hallways adjacent to the entrance to the alien sector until the way was clear and she could get in unnoticed.  She grabbed a mask and cycled through the airlock, and almost ran to Ambassador Kosh's quarters.  At least there wasn't much traffic through here.  She flipped the panel for the door mechanism open and triggered the circuits to open the door.  Nothing. She sighed in exasperation, restraining an impulse to punch the wall. Bending to the task again, she worked for some minutes on the unit and then heard someone coming.

" _Proklyat'e!_ " Ivanova cursed softly under her breath. Moving quickly, she closed the panel and ducked up the corridor and around a corner.  She held her breath, hoping that she wouldn't have to run, fight, or manufacture a plausible lie on short notice. _Way to come prepared, Ivanova._ The noise finally faded and she let her breath out shakily, then she crept back down to Kosh's door and started working on the door again.  It took several more minutes, but there was no further interruption and the door finally slid open.

She stepped in cautiously, praying that her mental image of the crystal's location was accurate.  She'd have a hell of a time if she failed now. Once again she firmly pushed aside the consequences and concentrated on the task in front of her.  _Focus._ Tentatively, she moved a little further into the room, waiting for the swirling clouds of gas to thin.  But they kept fluctuating, as if there was a turbulent if gentle breeze and she could see only a short distance in front of her.  One step at a time she inched her way deeper, heading the direction she felt the data crystal must be, based on her earlier vision.

Finally, Ivanova bumped into the stand of her vision. It had curved legs reminiscent of the tentacles on the Vorlon ship and a similarly mottled surface.  In a little indentation in the front face was a data crystal, secured behind a clear panel.  She laid her hand on the panel searching for a way to open it.  The patterns on the surface of the stand suddenly shifted, swirling around the niche and her hand like a vortex. She was startled as the texture of the surface likewise changed, somehow gluing her hand to it. It left electric tingles in its wake which were accompanied by a psychic echo that felt similar to what she had received from the Vorlon ship.  Seeming to accept her identity after a moment, the surface returned to its original state and released her hand as the door slid silently open.  She carefully removed the data crystal from its nook and put it in her pocket.  With the same hesitant steps she returned slowly to the door, nearly blinded by the gas clouds.

Ivanova paused briefly to lean against the door with her eyes closed, trying to take a deep breath through the re-breather mask.  One more step completed.  She keyed the door open and cautiously looked both ways down the corridor before stepping out and painstakingly resetting all of the security codes.  She was betting the Ambassador would still know that someone had been in there, but there was no point in making it obvious.

Exiting the alien sector, Ivanova forced herself to assume a calm march through green sector, heading towards Ambassador Delenn’s quarters.  She encountered a security guard, and unable to avoid him, she gave him her usual formal nod and passed by, as if nothing were wrong and it was both normal and legitimate for the station's second in command to patrol these hallways while out of uniform.  Coming around a corner, she met another guard, and then another soon after that.  _I wonder what's going on?_

It didn’t take long to find out. Ivanova’s link beeped, startling her.

She struggled to keep her voice calm. "Ivanova here."

"This is C&C.  Commander, we've got a situation up here."

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"There's a Psi-Corps vessel demanding to know where Ms. Winters is.  They say that they were supposed to rendezvous with her ship in hyperspace eight hours ago.  They've tried contacting her here on the station but she isn't responding."

Ivanova took a deep breath.  _Bozhe moiya._   _Already?_   That blew her timetable right out of hyperspace. "Delay them as long as you can if they request docking, Lieutenant.  In the meantime, have security send someone to Ms. Winter's quarters to check on her whereabouts."

"Yes, ma'am.  C&C out."

Sending them to Talia's quarters might buy her a few minutes anyway, but it wouldn’t take them long to figure out that she wasn’t there anymore and where she was supposed to be.  _Damn!_ She would have to get them both off Babylon 5 sooner than she’d thought. The possibility that Psi-Corps would send someone after Talia had never even occurred to her. She hurried towards Delenn’s quarters.

 

*

 

2300 hours. At length, Ivanova reached the Ambassador's door and pushed the chime.  Surprisingly for the late hour, the response was immediate.

"Come in."

The door slid open and with a quick glance both ways down the corridor, Ivanova slipped into the room. "Ambassador?"

"Ah, Commander Ivanova.  Come in.  What can I do for you?"  Even though it was nearly the middle of the night, the ambassador looked alert, apparently going over some diplomatic documents.

Ivanova waited for the door to close behind her. "Sorry to bother you so late, Ambassador," she said.

Delenn gave her a welcoming smile. "That is quite all right, Commander.  I was just attending to a few details."  At Ivanova's obvious discomfort, she asked, "Is there something wrong?"

"For starters, you probably shouldn’t use my rank."  Ivanova's distress increased.  "As of now, I think that we can safely assume that I'm no longer in Earth Force."  Just saying it out loud caused a sudden pain in her chest.  She'd been running on adrenaline since she’d gone off duty earlier, and hadn't allowed herself to stop and think about that particular consequence.  "I really need your help, Ambassador."

If the Ambassador was surprised by this announcement, she didn't show it. "Of course, Comm–, I mean, Susan.  Please, sit down."  She indicated a low couch.

Ivanova sat, suddenly very tired.  Delenn moved over next to her and waited patiently for her to start.  Drawing in a deep breath, Ivanova said, "How much do you know about what happened to Talia Winters yesterday?"

Delenn was suddenly very interested, but kept her expression carefully unconcerned.  "Only that she will now be leaving Babylon 5."  She suspected there was much more to it than that; although she had assisted Lyta Alexander, the telepath had not told her much, and the command staff had been equally closed mouth about what had happened. She had her own inside sources of information however, and they had mentioned the blond telepath as the 'mole' that Lyta had been looking for.  Delenn knew and liked Ms. Winters and much regretted her loss.

Ivanova sighed.  "I'm not sure where to start."

"I have found that the beginning is usually best," said Delenn with an encouraging smile.

"Yes," Ivanova gave a slight chuckle.  "You know Lyta Alexander came here to find someone?" at Delenn's nod, she continued.  "She was looking for a 'sleeper' – someone secretly programmed by Psi-Corps to collect information on us.  The information was to be retrieved when a telepathic password was sent into this person's mind, at which point an artificial personality created by the Corps would kill off the original personality and take over the subject's mind, body and memories.  Talia was the sleeper."  Ivanova clasped her hands tightly together and struggled to maintain control.

Delenn reached out and placed a gentle hand over Ivanova's.  "I'm very sorry, Susan.  I know that you were friends."

"There's more."  Taking another breath, Ivanova pushed on.  "What no one else knows is that I'm a low level telepath myself.  I can't scan anyone or do much of anything unless it's with another telepath, but it's enough for the law to force me into Psi-Corps, put me jail, or put me on drugs to suppress my abilities."  She gave a snort, "Or lack thereof."  Here she looked up at Delenn intently.  "Talia was very important to me, much more than my friend, and she was the only person who knew about this.  But I've spoken to the alternate personality now in control of her...  And somehow, _it doesn't know._ "  She paused for a moment.  "It doesn't have all of Talia's memories.  And more importantly..." she wasn't entirely sure how to describe this part, "I can feel the real Talia.  She's still in there somewhere."

"Susan, are you sure it is her and not your own wishes that you feel?"

Ivanova thought carefully, reaching into the back of her mind where she could sense Talia.  The faint warmth flared briefly in response to her touch.  "Yes, I'm sure." 

Delenn considered this for a moment.  "What are you going to do?"

"It's what I've already done actually," said Ivanova.  She took the data crystal out of her pocket and rolled it around in her hand.  "This is a recording of part, or all, of Talia's personality matrix that was made by Ambassador Kosh last year.  I stole it from his quarters.  His ship is sentient, did you know that?"  When Delenn didn't answer, she glanced sideways at the smaller woman quickly.  "It showed me where to find it."  She snorted again.  "I tried to reach Talia myself, but failed."

Delenn looked at her questioningly.  "This, 'alternate personality' as you call it, allowed you to try to reach the real Talia?"

"No, I um..." Ivanova looked sheepish for a moment.  "I sedated her first. I didn't plan on it working really, I'm not strong enough, and I think that the alternate personality is blocking me." Ivanova sighed. "And now you could say that I've sort of... well, kidnapped her."

"You _what?_ "  Delenn looked surprised and reached her hand out to clasp Ivanova's again. "I understand that you were close, but isn't this a little extreme?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." Ivanova paused to take a deep breath. "My mother was a telepath, and Psi Corps took her from me. Somehow it seems that nothing has ever gone right for me since then. It left a hole in my heart that no one and nothing has been able to fill." That hole yawned open at her feet once again and she shied away from the grief which threatened to tear her apart. "Then Talia filled it up again, despite my best efforts to keep her at a distance. And now they're taking her too." She had to consciously steady her voice. "I know that they're too strong, I know that there's always too many of them, and I know I don't stand a chance in hell against them, but I don't care... I will _not_ let them do this to me again."

The Ambassador resumed her detached expression.  "How is it that you would like me to help you?"

"Kosh's ship showed me something else.  A group of Minbari telepaths."  Ivanova straightened up abruptly.  "I hope... I believe, that with the information on this data crystal, my Talia can be restored, but I need the help of a strong telepath or telepaths to do it.  Since it obviously can't be anyone connected to the Psi-Corps, I'm asking for the help of the Minbari.  If your telepaths would be willing to help me, that is."  She looked at Delenn pleadingly.  "I know that I've sacrificed everything on a feeling, but I have to try.  She means too much to me to let her go so easily."

Delenn looked searchingly at Ivanova for a long moment. "Very well, I will do what I can," she said, "but I cannot guarantee anything."

"The Corps has just turned up looking for her, so they may already suspect something, but don't yet know that I'm involved. They shouldn't know anything for certain until morning when she's supposed to show up for her chartered ship. Unless Kosh reports me for breaking and entering first."

"Do you think that's a possibility?"

"Honestly, I don't know," said Ivanova, looking at Delenn frankly.  "Exactly how capable of independent action is his ship?  It communicated all of this to me."

Delenn considered what little she knew of the Vorlon and his ship.  "Then he probably already knows."

Ivanova sighed and rubbed her temples. "Which means my problem for the moment is getting me and Talia off this station."

"Can you do it?"

"I think so, but it needs to be soon, unless I can hide in Bay 13, or someplace similar where they would never think to look.  I don't want to have to hurt anyone to get away, but I can't keep her sedated indefinitely."

"It may not be a good idea to involve Kosh further," suggested Delenn.

"You're probably right.  That means I need off the station in the next few hours," replied Ivanova.

"That I cannot help you with, but the other... I will do everything that I can." Delenn paused delicately. "Will you be all right?"

Ivanova didn’t answer that. "Thank you, Delenn, I can't tell you how much this means to me."  She got wearily to her feet and for a moment it looked as if her strictly maintained self-control would slip.

Delenn stood beside her and placed a gentle hand on Ivanova's arm.  "I will miss you both. Take care of yourself and keep Talia safe."  Ivanova nodded silently, then pulled away and started for the door.  "Susan?" Delenn said suddenly.  "I always understood that you hated telepaths.  It is odd you should find love with one."

"No, there's nothing odd about it at all," answered Ivanova looking back at the ambassador with a faint smile.  "My mother taught me through her abilities how profoundly and deeply one person can love another.  The hatred I reserve for the Psi-Corps.  What's funny is that in this case they're two sides of the same coin."  She turned and left.

"Indeed," said Delenn to the closing door.

 

*

 

2345 hours. Ivanova left Delenn's heading in the opposite direction from which she'd arrived. After dodging down yet another hallway to avoid being seen, she found an open access hatch to the utilities service corridor that ran behind the ring of quarters in his sector. It was a narrow fit for even her athletic figure and she had to duck her head in a few places where there were electrical conduits and pipes on both walls and the ceiling. But she had less chance of meeting anyone in here and a better chance of being able to bluff her way through if she did.

The least convoluted path back to blue sector took her through one of the waste concentrating substations, which gave her an idea. While the reclamation reactor was in brown sector, each of the other sectors had its own waste collection area where everything was mixed and pretreated before being piped all the way down the long axis of the station. She slipped into the control room after carefully checking that no personnel were left on duty. It was close to midnight now, so there shouldn't be anyone left, but you never knew when problems could crop up and bring someone to investigate.

Once in, she quickly bypassed the automatic monitoring, setting up a randomized feedback loop so that it would look normal to outside systems. Then she programmed the tanks to slowly increase the temperature of the waste blend going through the mixing coils. Leaving the control room, she waited for the door to completely close then opened the access panel to the hydraulics that operated the door, and bled the hydraulic fluid out of the lines. That would slow down anyone trying to get into the control room.

Next she crept down through the maze of pipes to loosen several valves where they met the main conduit headed back to the reactor. Not enough leakage to cause an immediate problem or trigger an alarm, but when the waste reached a critical temperature, the pressure would blow the valves the rest of the way open and flood the area before the automatic systems could shut off the flow.

This would have been a lot more effective, not to mention obnoxious, if she'd been able to get to the substation that dealt with the alien waste, but it was on the opposite side of the ring and would have taken her too far out of her way. This would be enough to provide a distraction in a couple of hours when it blew. She knew that it wouldn't be enough, but it was a start.

Finally satisfied with her work, she continued on her way slowly but steadily.

 

*

 

0030 hours. It didn't take as long as she'd feared to get back to the fighter maintenance bay in blue sector, and she'd been able to remain in various service corridors through red sector without having to show her face any place she that would have been recognized. She spent the extra time carefully monitoring the corridor to the machine shop. When she was convinced that there was no one around, she slipped towards the door, only to hear voices echoing from down the far end. With a curse she ran into the shop and through to the bay, dodging equipment and careening around one the tool benches. She stopped inside the bay looking around frantically for the service bot. It was a few paces in, plainly visible from the whole bay. There were only a few fighters at the end of the hanger and no immediate place to hide.

Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her, but she could swear that she heard the voices already entering the shop. _Focus._ "Come on, can't blow it now," she muttered to herself. Spying the wing hoist nearby, she pushed the bot under the chain and hooked it up, swearing softly as her fingers fumbled in her haste. When it was attached, she ran as quickly as she could up the tall ladder to the control cab and jerked the controls to lift the bot up into the air.

She slid off the seat and crouched down on the floor of the cab just as she heard the hydraulic hiss of the shop door opening. She watched the gently swinging bot and prayed as she'd rarely ever done. _Please don't look up. Please don't look up. Please don't look up..._

"...telling you," the first voice said, "I saw someone go through that door."

"Let's take a look around then," said the second, "but make it quick."

Ivanova didn't recognize their voices, and closed her eyes in concentration, tracking the sound of them as they spread out among the fighters and the scattered heavy equipment. It seemed forever since she'd last breathed when at length she heard them pass back into the shop and the door close behind them. She climbed down the ladder, practically collapsing on the bay floor in relief. _No time for that, come on, gotta keep moving._

She cast a quick speculative glance up at the suspended bot, no longer swinging, and figured that was probably the safest place for Talia at the moment. She knew that the Drazi fighter was fast, but she didn't know how long it would take to get to Minbari space in it. She'd need to prep for a potentially long flight, and if she was going to make it off Babylon 5, she'd have to engage in some more proactive misdirection.

 

*

 

Delenn met Kosh outside of the council chambers.  "You know?"

There was a pause filled with mechanical wheezing. Then, "Yes."

"Should I send them?"

There was a longer pause filled with mechanical wheezing. Then, "Yes."


	3. Shadows Falling

0115 hours. Ivanova strode confidently into Bay 17 expecting to find some security personnel about, since this was where all of the commercial charter vessels, including Talia's, were berthed. The vessels ranged in size from small and simple to medium sized models that were more like space-going yachts. She'd considered stealing one of these, but couldn't shake the feeling that she wouldn't be able to escape without a fight. She walked cautiously around the side of the bay, but there didn't seem to be anyone. She was frankly surprised that Garibaldi hadn't already sent anyone down here.

After another quick glance around, she headed over to the one that had been scheduled to take Talia and set her pack down at her feet. She'd gone down to the pilot's locker room by the Cobra bays and changed into her flight suit, and then grabbed an extra suit, and a bunch of the EF daily ration kits that Earth Force personnel used on longer missions. Taking a deep breath to settle herself, she tapped her link. "Ivanova to security."

"Garibaldi. Go."

"Chief, what's the status on Ms. Winters? The night duty officer mentioned that they were looking for her, but I haven't heard back from him."

"We haven't found her yet. She took a suite just off the Zocalo, and we know she ate dinner at the Fresh Air... the logs show that her card was used to enter her suite at around 9pm, presumably after she finished eating, but that's it. There's no answer and somehow the door's been scrambled, so we're still trying to get in."

"Have you tried looking down in Bay 17? Maybe she just wanted to be ready to leave first thing in the morning."

"That's a good idea; I'll detail someone down there..."

Ivanova interrupted, "No need, Chief, I'll go down there myself and look for her. I'll check back in if I find anything."

"Ivanova..." Garibaldi's voice held a note of warning. "You'd better not be planning to do anything to her."

"Of course not, Chief. I just want to make sure she gets out of here as quickly as possible. I won't harm a single hair on her head. You have my word."

"Right." Garibaldi drew the word out slightly, like he didn't quite believe her, but wasn't going to argue it at the moment. "Garibaldi out."

There, that would keep security out of her way for a little while at least. With a quiet sigh of relief, Ivanova removed her link from her hand, leaving the channel open on her end. She looked over Talia's charter with a practiced eye, searching for an out of the way spot to hide it. Luckily it was one of the smaller shuttles, so there were plenty of places within easy reach. She ducked her head to walk under a stubby projection along the side and found an unlocked mech panel. Opening the panel, she laid her link inside. If they tried to trace it, the faint signal would lead them here.

Ivanova shut the panel firmly and with that, mentally severed her final link to Earth Force and to her whole life. She had no family left anymore, so there wasn't much to mourn in leaving everything behind, except for what friends and crewmates she had here. She hated to disappoint them and hoped that they would forgive her someday. The thought of losing Sheridan's respect, her friend as well as her captain... She ruthlessly pushed aside the pain those thoughts caused and concentrated on Talia. The blond telepath was all that mattered now; she had to stay focused on that.

Ivanova figured she'd have at least an hour before Garibaldi tried to contact her again, which gave her scant time to create a few more diversions. Grabbing her pack, Ivanova turned back and left the bay at a slow jog, heading back to the Cobra bay. There was a terminal there that would give her limited access to basic station sub-systems.

 

*

 

0130 hours. Avoiding the main corridors, she detoured through the next two bays over then ran down an auxiliary corridor to a secondary entrance to the pilot's locker room, and from there into the Cobra bay.

Climbing up to the catwalk overhead, Ivanova walked calmly down the long axis of the bay, making sure that there was no one in the bay below her. She scrambled down at the far end and backtracked to the terminal. Her fingers were an invisible blur of motion over the screen as she sifted through long lists of station systems looking for suitably obscure weak points. The waste substation had given her at least one idea, the radiation monitoring alarm for the fusion power reactor. If she could just find the right circuit, she could trip the alarm without the release of anything harmful. Shifting back and forth between layers of schematics, she finally found a candidate, a single junction on one of the sensor chips. If she programmed a voltage fluctuation in say... she checked the time quickly... three hours, it would make the system think that it had detected a leak. Given the recurrent security challenges of the last few months, this was one of the alarms that required a full engineering and security sweep before the all-clear could be given.

Ivanova stopped for a moment and rubbed her temples. Her level of concentration at this point was giving her something of a headache. Allowing herself a moment to relax, she briefly checked for that glimmer of Talia at the back of her mind. The warmth was still there, and she absorbed it for a long moment. _Hang on, Talia. I'm coming._ She knew that the telepath couldn't hear her, but it made her feel better.

Turning her attention back to the terminal, Ivanova, somewhat refreshed, had several more ideas, and her fingers didn't stop flying for another thirty minutes. Finally however, she cleared the terminal's memory and internal logs, and shut it down. She had just stood up to stretch when she heard the hiss of a door opening. Slipping quietly behind the closest starfury, she watched one of the maintenance personnel walk through and head into a storeroom.

Ivanova debated with herself quickly, but decided that she couldn't risk leaving someone running around behind her. Garibaldi hadn't mentioned the Psi-Corps ship or whether it had docked, but it was probably a pretty good bet that if they weren't on station yet, they soon would be, and she couldn't risk being seen by anyone that they could scan. As soon as the storeroom door closed, she dashed over and slapped the door lock, scrambled the code, and then bolted out of the bay and back to where she'd left Talia. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long for someone to discover and release the poor guy.

 

*

 

0215 hours. When she reached the maintenance bay, the bot was still hanging where she left it; so leaving it in place, Ivanova did a quick reconnaissance and then started working on the Drazi fighter. Opening the hatch, she let the ramp down, and climbed in. The interior was simple and well laid out. She found a place to store her pack, checked to see what else was stowed on board, and then started familiarizing herself with the pilot's console. Once she figured she could handle the systems, she climbed back down to get Talia.

Still running on adrenaline, very little sleep from the night before, and even less food, Ivanova fought back her weariness as she climbed up into the cab of the wing hoist. _Focus._ After letting the bot down softly, she pushed it over to the Drazi fighter and very gently removed the still unconscious Talia from the lower compartment. The telepath showed no signs of waking and her pulse was strong. Good. "Hang in there, baby," she murmured. She carried her precious cargo up the ramp and settled her in the co-pilot's seat. The seat was pretty wide to accommodate the stocky Drazi, so she spent some minutes making sure that all of the safety harnesses would keep the telepath's slender form safely immobilized.

Once Ivanova was satisfied that launch and flight maneuvers wouldn't dislodge the telepath from her seat, she kissed Talia on the forehead and turned to leave the ship, stopping when she thought of something. Quickly she got her injector out and dosed the telepath twice; another carefully calibrated dose of sedative and the second drug she'd picked up. "Sorry about this one, baby." Then she returned to the bot.

Deciding that the machine shop was the best place to hide it, she pushed it back. Scanning the room quickly, she wedged it behind one of the engine mounts so that it was obscured by a partially dismantled engine then quickly piled a few tools from one of the prefab benches onto it. It wouldn't pass serious muster, but would take them a few extra minutes to figure out that it didn't belong.

Wiping her now-greasy hands on her flight suit, Ivanova stepped back into the bay area. It was too bad that she couldn't tap into the security channels from here; she would really like to know what was going on out there. They would have gotten into Talia's suite already, the waste substation should have spilled by now, and it would be safest to assume the Psi-Corps people were aboard, but it would be nice to know all of these things for sure.

Ivanova had decided on how she wanted to get the bay doors open but needed to get a few pre-flight checks done first. She'd have to shortcut the usual task list, but there were some things that couldn't be avoided if she didn't want to end up dead in space. Taking a deep breath, she returned to the ship and got to work.

 

*

 

0230 hours. "Garibaldi, report!" Sheridan's voice barked as the captain stepped into security, a Psi-Corps representative at his heels.

Garibaldi tapped his link off. "No sign of Ms. Winters, Captain." He stood and shifted his feet around. "We managed to get into her hotel suite, but there was no one there, and all of her effects were undisturbed. Also, unrelated, there's been one report of a mugging in brown sector, there's a spill in the red sector waste concentrator unit that we've had to cordon off, station maintenance crews are working on cleaning it up, but we had to evacuate several quarters in the adjacent area, and down in grey sector a lurker was caught trying to steal odds and ends."

"Where else have you looked for Ms. Winters?" asked the Psi-Corps representative. He was of medium height, slender, with sandy hair and pale eyes, and had a soft pleasant voice, quite unlike those that they were used to dealing with from the Psi-Corps.

"Every nook and cranny of red sector. No one's seen her since she left the Fresh Air Restaurant." Garibaldi eyed the telepath warily, noting that at least he wasn't a Psi-Cop. _Small favors..._

"Um, this is Mr. Warring," Sheridan belatedly introduced the man.

Warring gazed back at Garibaldi mildly. "Are there any other sectors where she might have gone?"

"Green and yellow sectors require security clearance, so she couldn't have gone there. Grey sector is all heavy machinery and brown sector is all environmental controls, no reason for her to go to either one, but I sent a couple of people to each just to make sure."

"What about blue sector?" asked Sheridan. "There are plenty of places there she could be."

Garibaldi shifted his gaze to Sheridan. "Blue is covered; Commander Ivanova is searching down there." He checked the time quickly. "In fact she should have reported back by now."

Sheridan tapped his link. "Sheridan to Ivanova." No response. "Commander Ivanova, report." Still no response. "You sure she's down there?"

"Spoke to her myself, Captain." Garibaldi sat back at his console and initiated a scan for Ivanova's link. "System shows that she's down in bay 17." _Still?_ It shouldn't have taken her this long to search a bay that small. Before he could pursue the thought, his link chirped at him. "Garibaldi. Go."

"Chief? We finally got into the control room." Allen's voice sounded mildly disgusted. "We had to force the door because someone conveniently disabled the hydraulics."

Sheridan looked at Garibaldi questioningly. "Waste concentrator," whispered the Chief back at him. In a normal voice he spoke into his link. "What did you find Zack?"

"Not sure. The monitoring system is generating some sort of random signal... hold on, Chief." There came through the muffled sounds of a conversation as Allen spoke to someone on the other end.

Garibaldi frowned. "What's going on, Zack?"

"Chief, the tech says that there was some unexplained temperature rise in the tanks." More muffled conversation on the other end, then, "He says that if he didn't know better, it was programmed to do that, but the logs and system memory have been purged."

It would take some exceptional knowledge and programming skill to manage that, knowledge that very few people would have. Something about bay 17 was still nagging him, and a sudden suspicion flashed through Garibaldi's mind. _Ivanova?_

"Something is bothering you, Mr. Garibaldi," said Warring noncommittally.

Garibaldi ignored him, glancing instead at the Captain. He tapped his link. "Zack? Grab a couple guys and meet me down in bay 17." To the Captain, "We need to get down there."

Sheridan's eyes narrowed, but he refrained from asking for the moment. "Let's go then." He turned and gestured out the door. "Core shuttle is this way, Mr. Warring." Warring nodded graciously and walked out with both Sheridan and Garibaldi at his heels.

"What's going on?" demanded Garibaldi when they reached the shuttle platform. There were a few civilians and crew-people, plus a couple of security officers milling around the shuttle doors.

"Chief!" One of the security men saluted. "The core shuttle is down. We've called maintenance; they said they're sending someone."

"What is it with this place today?" asked Sheridan rhetorically.

Garibaldi had his suspicions, but said nothing, avoiding Warring's side-long glance.

"Well, let's take a lift to the lower level then," said Sheridan. "We can get a transport there."

 

*

 

0300 hours. Finally satisfied with her onboard preparations, Ivanova collapsed into the pilot's chair with an uncharacteristic lack of grace. "We're almost ready to go, Talia. Then we can get out of here and get you some help, ok?" There was no reply from the still-unconscious telepath, and the warmth at the back of her mind was much dimmer than before. _Focus._ Knowing that she had no time to lose, the exhausted former-commander heaved herself to her feet after only a few seconds and once again walked down the ramp and headed to the machine shop. She'd seen a space welder in there which would suit her purposes nicely without having to risk more potentially-traceable computer tampering.

 

*

 

0305 hours. Allen wasn't there when they reached bay 17. "Zack!" Garibaldi barked into his link. "Where are you?"

"Sorry, Chief. They just got the core shuttle started when something shorted out and killed it again, taking the lifts with it. I had to take the stairs. I'll be there in a minute."

Sheridan couldn't let this pass again. "All right, Garibaldi, what's going on?"

"We need to find Ivanova, Captain," Garibaldi evaded.

Warring spoke up again. "You think there is a connection." It was not a question.

Garibaldi looked at the telepath, shifting quickly to the Captain. "I think so, yeah," he admitted. "But I don't know how."

"Chief!" Allen ran up at that moment, two other security people behind him. "What's going on?"

Garibaldi waved them through the bay doors. "We're looking for Talia Winters and Commander Ivanova or anything connected with them." The security men scattered through the bay.

Sheridan shook his head with a sigh, knowing his second in command's history with telepaths. "Which of these ships was Winters scheduled to depart on?"

"Let me check." Garibaldi scanned a manifest list. "According to this, she was supposed to be on this ship over here." He walked over to a small shuttle near the head of the lined up vessels. Looking it over quickly, he said, "Doesn't obviously look like it's been touched."

Warring had followed along behind them. "I don't sense anyone other than ourselves in this bay."

Sheridan gave a brief nod. "There could still be other clues. Considering Ivanova, better look for something that's not obvious," he said to Garibaldi dryly.

"Chief?" One of the security guards walked up, his eyes on a portable scanner. "The Commander's link signal is coming from right here."

"Let me see that." Garibaldi took the device and walked slowly around the side of the ship and then back again. He stopped in the middle with a snort and opened up a compartment. "Here it is." He pulled the link out and handed it to the Captain.

Sheridan tapped his own link. "Sheridan to C&C."

"This is C&C. Yes, Captain?"

"Has anyone seen or spoken to Commander Ivanova lately?"

A pause at the other end. "No, sir. She went off duty at 1800 last night and the duty officer notified her of the arrival of the Psi-Corps' vessel at 2230. Do you want us to call her quarters?"

"No. Check the system logs; has she used her identicard since she went off duty?" He sighed again. _Damn it, I should have known something was up with her_ , he berated himself, _she's been far too withdrawn since the sleeper was discovered_. He had noticed Susan thawing towards Talia over these last months and of late they had even seemed to become friends, so he should have known that this would hit her hard, considering what had happened to the Commander's mother.

"Sir?" The voice came back over his link. "Logs show entry to her quarters at 1817 hours and entry to green sector at 2203 hours. Nothing else."

"Thank you. Sheridan out." He turned to Garibaldi. "Any idea why she would go to the Ambassadorial wing at that hour? And before Mr. Warring arrived?"

"No, sir." He tapped his own link. "Garibaldi to security."

"Welch here, Chief."

"Who was on duty in green sector after 2200 hours?"

"Um, Mitchell I think. He's in the other room if you want to talk to him."

"Yeah, put him on, and in the meantime, look and see if there are any reports of anything strange going on in blue sector." Damn it, he should have known that something was up when she'd called him.

"Mitchell here, Chief."

"Did you see Commander Ivanova in green sector when you were on patrol?"

"Yes, I saw her at about 2250, give or take five minutes."

Welch broke in. "Chief, one of the guards thought they saw someone going into the machine shop a little past midnight and there was a complaint by one of the maintenance personnel being locked in a store room in the Cobra bay at about 0200 hours. Luckily he was able to get the door open from the inside or he wouldn't have been found until morning."

"Garibaldi out," he tapped his link off and snorted. "If those are her, and I'm betting they are, then she sure gets around. Zack, everybody, gather up!" He waited for them all to come running. "All right we need to split up. Zack, you and I will check the Cobra bay," he turned to the other two, "I need you guys to go take a look in the machine shop and the maintenance..." A high volume klaxon blared out over their heads making everyone jump. The overhead lights went out and warning strobes flashed from all over the bay.

"What's that?" Warring shouted over the noise.

"Something has triggered the fire suppression system," Sheridan shouted back. "We have to get out of here before the space doors open."

 

*

 

0330 hours. Ivanova had just strapped herself in when the klaxons went off. "Hang on, Talia," she muttered. "This is going to be one rough ride."

The fire suppression system sealed the inner doors and opened all the bays to the vacuum of space, which would immediately snuff out any fire. But it also shut down the departure beacons so Ivanova would have to pilot her ship out manually, compensating for the rotation of the station as she went. Unlike the Cobra bays which had mechanical releases for the starfuries that utilized the spin of the station to propel the fighters into space, other ships had to use an automated system to exit their bays. Under normal circumstances, a manual flight exit would be only a moderate challenge to as experienced pilot as Ivanova, but she'd been up for almost 24 hours and was in an unfamiliar ship.

The Drazi fighter lifted smoothly off the deck and moved down the exit shaft. It veered to one side and brushed against the steel wall with a spray of sparks. " _Proklyat'e!"_ Ivanova swore. As dangerous as it was to do, she accelerated the little ship, figuring the less time she spent in this tube-of-death, the better. With a couple more wild swings in which she narrowly missed hitting the walls again, she made it to the space opening and shot through, getting thrown sideways in her seat as the extended fin of the starboard nacelle clipped the edge of the station.

Quickly pulling out of the wild spin that this final impact left her in, she sped down the long axis of the station and whipped around the fusion reactor, heading for the far side of Epsilon 3. She needed a little breathing room, and since the Drazi fighter was too small to be able to make its own jump point, she needed time to figure out how she was going to make it through the jump gate.

A small ship that had been hovering alongside the station just behind the docking ring slipped after her, unseen.

 

*

 

"Sheridan to C&C." Standing just outside bay 17, the Captain was fuming.

"C&C here, Captain."

"Just what the hell is going on?" demanded Sheridan.

"Not sure, sir. We're registering a significant heat source in the fighter maintenance bay, but we're having trouble getting in there. We figure that we'll have to send in one of the maintbots from the outside."

Sheridan and Garibaldi exchanged at look. "Maintenance," Garibaldi muttered. "What's the odds?"

Sheridan nodded agreement and addressed his link again. "Do it. We're on our way."

Taking the stairs two at a time, Sheridan and Garibaldi raced up to C&C, Warring close at their heels. "Report!" demanded the Captain as they burst through the doors to the bridge.

"The maintbot is entering the bay now, Captain."

"Display the live feed." Everyone gathered around the screen watching as the maintbot maneuvered through the launch chute. Once in the bay, it stopped and panned its cameras over the interior. "There," said Sheridan. "Turn it back five degrees." The view swiveled and stopped on a bright radiance. "What is that? Move it in closer."

"Looks like something is arcing," commented Garibaldi. The maintbot angled around to the side, and they could clearly see the glowing ends of the fusion rods of a space welding unit, neatly arranged right under one of the bay's temperature sensors. "And it's no accident."

Sheridan turned to the duty officer. "Was one of security bots outside pointed this direction? Scan back to the moment that the alarms went off."

"Yes, sir." He punched a few keys and the display changed to an external view of the docking ring. Within a minute of the alarms going off, they could plainly see a small ship bolt out of the bay, spin crazily as it hit the bay door, then right itself and dash off screen as it zoomed away.

"Looks like Drazi – Sky Serpent class," Garibaldi commented. "Ivanova can't fly those can she?"

Sheridan raised his eyebrows. "You know Ivanova almost as well as I do, Garibaldi, would you bet against her?"

Garibaldi considered that for a second. "Well, now that you mention it... no."

"I want my shuttle sent after her, Captain." Warring cut in, his voice still soft, but forceful.

"Oh? And what sort of weapons capability does your shuttle have, Mr. Warring?" Sheridan raised an eyebrow at the telepath. "If she feels threatened, she won't hesitate to fire on it, and those Drazi fighters are pretty powerful."

"If she has done anything to Ms. Winters, I want her pursued." There was a distinct warning edge to Warring's voice now although he maintained his composure.

Sheridan contemplated him grimly for a moment. "You may use the gold channel to contact Psi-Corps if you would like, Mr. Warring. But Ivanova is the best fighter pilot aboard this station, and I'm not risking any of my ships or pilots in a fight with her without direct orders from Earth Dome."

Warring risked a quick surface scan of the Captain's mind. Sheridan was adamant and utterly believed what he said about Ivanova. He could tell that there would be no convincing him. "Very well, Captain. Is there someplace where I can contact them in private?"

"Certainly. I will show you to my office." Sheridan paused. "Garibaldi, see if you can confirm that Ivanova has Winters, and track down all of these little... 'anomalies.' Try to figure out if she's left us any more surprises."

 

*

 

0415 hours. "Minbari flyer Zhalen to Drazi fighter." A familiar voice crackled over the com system.

Ivanova sat up quickly and punched the receive button on the console. "Lennier, is that you?"

"Indeed, Commander Ivanova." The display above the console shimmered to reveal the calm face of Delenn's attaché.

" _Slava Bogu!_ " Ivanova whispered to herself in relief. "Please tell me that you're here to help me."

Lennier smiled slightly at her. "Yes. Please prepare to record a data stream."

Ivanova looked down at the unfamiliar console in confusion for a moment. "Ah here it is." She punched a few console buttons. "Ready."

"Commencing." Lennier pressed one of the control rods on his own console. "This contains coordinates for a rendezvous point where you will be met. It also contains instructions and an authentication code that you must transmit to the ship meeting you."

"Thank you, Lennier," said Ivanova gratefully. "Any idea how to get them to open up the jump gate for me?"

"Of course," said Lennier in his mildly stilted manner. "I will have them open the jump gate for me, and then at just the right moment, you will enter the gate in my place."

Ivanova frowned. "Sounds too easy."

"Do not worry Commander. I assure you, it will work."

Ivanova's frown remained. "I still don't like it," she muttered, too softly for Lennier to hear. She mentally addressed the warm presence at the back of her mind. _Keep your fingers crossed, Talia._

 

*

 

0415 hours. "Well, Garibaldi, what have you found so far?" Sheridan came back on the bridge, leaving Warring in his office.

Garibaldi looked up from his computer console. "Plenty, Captain. Forensic is pretty confident that Ivanova was in Winters' suite, so I think that we can safely assume that she has her."

"Yes, I can't see Ivanova actually killing her."

"Neither can I," shrugged Garibaldi, "But I have them checking the waste recycler and skimming the outer skin of the station for a body anyway." At Sheridan's raised eyebrow look, he shrugged again. "I have to do a complete investigation, Captain."

Sheridan sighed. "I know."

"She didn't leave much of a computer trail for me to follow, but she was responsible for the waste spill and the core shuttle, although the lifts were only an indirect effect." He paused for a second. "And the computer trail is cold enough that I can't prove it, but I suspect that she caused the delay in Winters' charter schedule, meaning she started working on this within hours of our discovery of the control personality."

"Did she leave us anything else?" Sheridan sighed again and shook his head.

"I found and destroyed a shutdown routine in the air scrubbers, and a couple similar ones in a few minor environmental controls. She apparently did all of this from the access terminal in the Cobra bay, so we can probably assume that she locked the maintenance guy in." He gave a disgusted snort. "I thought that I had a handle on all of our system's security holes, but Ivanova exploited a dozen or more that I never knew existed. And I still can't figure out how she managed a couple of them."

"Well," said Sheridan. "All of these things are a nuisance, but at least it looks like she wasn't trying to hurt anyone."

The duty officer interrupted. "Sir, the flyer belonging to Ambassador Delenn is requesting access to the jump gate."

"Fine," said Sheridan distractedly, still paying attention to Garibaldi's monitor.

"No!" Warring came back on the bridge just as the jump gate flared to life. "Look, there she is." Indeed through the view port the Drazi fighter was flying next to the Minbari ship in close order. "Do something, fire on her, stop her!"

At that moment, Delenn startled Sheridan by appearing as if by magic at his shoulder. "Please do not fire on my attaché, Captain. He is on official business for the Minbari and is under my protection."

Surprised, Sherdian turned to Delenn. "What official business?" Before Delenn could reply, every console on the bridge started beeping loudly, each at its own cadence. " _Now_ what?!" he shouted.

"Captain," one of the Lieutenants piped up. "We're showing a leak in the fusion reactor... yellow sector, deck 3."

"Garibaldi, I thought you said you caught everything!"

Garibaldi looked slightly abashed, but muttered, "I said a found a few, I never said all."

"Captain," Warring insistently drew Sheridan's attention back to the gate. "She's getting away!" And indeed as they watched, the Drazi fighter disappeared in the bright flash of the gate closing back down. "You must stop her."

"Sorry Warring, I don't have authorization to create a diplomatic incident with the Minbari and I'm not likely to get it." The clamor continued as the command crew tried to handle a possible emergency. "And, as you can see, I have my hands full here."

Warring scoffed. "She programmed this in and you know it."

"She may have," agreed Sheridan. "But because it's a reactor leak, I have certain safety protocols that I must follow to prevent contamination of the station, regardless of whether I think it's real or how I think the problem started." And Ivanova knew those protocols intimately, since she had been the one principally in charge of setting them up. He would love to know how she timed this so precisely. The Captain gave Warring a tight smile. "You are welcome to go after her yourself; good luck tracking her through hyperspace. Sorry I can't help you with that, but she's out of my jurisdiction now."

Warring gave him a narrow look. "You are not sorry at all, Captain." He spun on his heel and left C&C.

Sheriden turned to Delenn. "Since you stuck your neck out for her, I will assume that she really did have a good reason for all of this."

"I cannot reveal anything said in confidence, Captain." Delenn looked at the organized chaos swirling around her, and lowered her voice. "But I assure you she has a very good reason."

"Then thanks for protecting her, because whatever else, she's also my friend," he replied just as quietly.

"Perhaps she is not lost to you forever, you may yet meet again." With that Delenn gave a slight bow and left the command deck.

Cheered, Sheridan turned back to the bridge. "All right, do we have an engineering crew lined up to check out this leak?"

 


	4. Midnight

0430hours. Once she hit hyperspace Ivanova set the coordinates with a steady hand, not stopping to consider the series of minor miracles that had gotten her this far. _We're on our way, Talia. Hang in there for me, baby._ She found it easier to talk to Talia in her mind as if the telepath was present. They didn't really have a relationship per se, but at this point, it didn't hurt to pretend.

Ivanova checked Talia quickly. Pulse still steady, it looked like the telepath would be out for quite a while more. For a moment, emotion threatened to overwhelm her; her eyes burned and her throat closed up. But exhaustion won the battle and Ivanova collapsed back into her chair. After checking her course settings one last time, she curled up in her seat facing Talia with her knees pulled up. She reached over to grip Talia's wrist and was asleep before another thought could cross her mind.

A slight twitch of Talia's hand some hours later pulled Ivanova sharply out of a nightmare. She'd been wrong, and the alternate personality stood over her and taunted her as the black glove of a Psi-cop reached for her holding an injector... She shook the image off and groaned out loud, no less exhausted in spite of the sleep. _Just a dream._ She wasn't imaging the sensation at the back of her mind, so it must be real. Right? A sudden sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. _No, stay focused._

With a stretch to loosen her stiff muscles, she turned her attention back to the telepath; she could well imagine the alternate personality's reaction to her changed circumstances. The tickling warmth in the back of her mind that she associated with Talia was still subdued, but she was grateful to feel it at all.

Talia shifted again, bringing welcome distraction from her morbid thoughts. Ivanova checked her pulse one more time. Getting stronger. She was definitely coming out of it. Getting up to stretch some more, Ivanova adjusted the telepath's safety harness. Not that she really wanted to keep Talia restrained, but she wished she'd been able to come up with a better plan. This was going to be really awkward if the AP wanted to be belligerent, and she really had no idea how much of Talia's personality and reactions might come through the Psi-Corps' programming.

Ivanova swiveled Talia's chair slightly towards her own as the telepath's eyelids flickered. She settled herself to wait, knowing that it wouldn't be long now. And indeed in almost no time, the blue eyes flickered open and stayed open, gazing straight at her for a long breathless moment.

"You!"

"Me."  Ivanova smiled grimly.

"You won't get away with this," the Alternate Personality snarled.

Ivanova's smile didn't waver.  "I've already gotten away with it," she said softly.  "Look around you, where do you think you are?  I've gotten you away from Babylon 5, and away from the Psi-Corps."

The AP looked nervously around the interior of the small ship.  The design and markings were unlike anything she, or rather Talia, had ever seen before. It was dark in the little cabin area, lit only by the glow from the control panel, and the walls might have been a dark olive green, but she couldn't be sure.  However, her interest in the ship was secondary in view of a larger issue.  "What are you going to do with me?"

"I'm going to keep you safe until I can find a way to get my Talia back."

The AP sneered. "I told you she's dead."

"So you said." Ivanova's smile disappeared. "But I don't believe you. So we're going someplace where we can find out for sure."

"And why should **_I_** believe you?"

A flicker of sadness crossed Ivanova's face. "I know you don't trust me, but believe it or not, you can. I'll do my best to protect you in the meantime." The grim smile returned. "Better than the Corps anyway."

"They will come after me," the AP insisted. "They'll rescue me."

"Are you certain of that? You might be programmed to be absolutely loyal to the Corps, but I don't believe you're naive."  Ivanova snorted.  "Even you have to admit that they don't really care about the telepaths that they're supposed to protect."

"The Corps is mother, the Corps is father."  The AP faltered only briefly.  "The Corps is family.  Of course it takes care of telepaths."

"Really?  Like they took care of Talia Winters?"  The AP looked down, having no answer.  "Or how they were planning on taking care of you?"  The AP looked up again quickly with narrowed eyes, but still said nothing.  "The Corps should have never have created you in the first place," Ivanova continued conversationally.  "But having done so, they should have at least given you better means to defend yourself.  But they don't really care about you either, do they?  You're just a tool to them, at best a sort of weapon, but expendable for all that."  She paused, waiting for a response, but the AP remained stubbornly silent.

Ivanova shook her head and continued softly.  "What exactly do you think that they were going to do with you once they got you back to the research station on Mars?  You're a loose cannon, loyalty notwithstanding – you know too much about things they don't want anyone knowing about.  Once they get done wringing Talia's brain for everything that they think they can use, the best you could hope for is imprisonment for the rest of her life, or maybe the use of her body for breeding purposes."  Ivanova snorted lightly.  "At worst," here she hesitated to steady her voice, "they'll euthanize her."

The AP barked a laugh harshly.  "And from my perspective, how exactly is that different from what you plan to do to me?"

"Not much perhaps," Ivanova admitted.  "But I won't mistreat you, or subject you to painful and degrading deep scans.  Look back in Talia's memories for what those feel like."

"Ah yes," said the AP after a moment's hesitation.  Then continuing more certainly, "The Ironheart episode.  He was a traitor to the Corps.  They did what they had to do."

"Maybe.  But he had legitimate reasons for what he did.  I've often wondered what the 'gift' was that he spoke of when he left. What did that energy surge do to her? I'll bet the Corps wouldn't think twice about vivisecting her to find out. Somehow, I think that your chances with me are a little bit better."

The AP smiled evilly.  "Oh yes, my abilities."  She narrowed her eyes in concentration, her forehead creasing with effort.  Ivanova just smiled gently at her.  The AP looked about wildly.  "What have you done to me...  I can't... sleepers.  You gave me sleepers!"  She glared at Ivanova, as if that would take the place of her telepathy.

"Yes.  After all, I do have a certain unique insight into their effectiveness," Ivanova said sadly.  "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry about the side effects."

 

*

 

The alternate personality had been silent for a long time while Ivanova checked her course and instruments again. Once she was satisfied that they were on track, she slipped out of her seat and made for the storage compartment where she had stowed her pack. Grabbing a couple of the ration kits, she dropped one in Talia's lap. "Here, may as well have something to eat." At the alternate personality's suspicious look, she added, "They're not restaurant quality, but they're edible."

"Why should I cooperate with you?" asked the AP.

"Because I'm the only thing standing between you and an uncomfortable death," said Ivanova bluntly, too exhausted to dissemble despite her earlier nap. "You don't know where we are or where we're going, and even if you did, you don't know anything about this ship or how to pilot it." She gave the AP a direct look. "As long as I'm alive and healthy, you will be too. Don't make it harder on yourself than it has to be." She gestured to the ration pack. "We're going to be here a while; you'll get pretty hungry without these." She opened her own up and forced herself to eat, ignoring the telepath.

After a few minutes of thought, the alternate personality decided that it really didn't make much sense to go hungry, and took a bite. "Yuck!"

Ivanova chuckled at the expression on the telepath's face. "Consistency of cardboard and not nearly as flavorful, I know. Believe it or not, these are actually far better than the ones we had in training back at the academy. 'Chew and Spew' was one of the nicer names we had for those." She got up out of her seat and grabbed some water bottles. "Here, if you mix that little yellow packet into the water, it tastes pretty good. Helps wash the other stuff down."

The alternate personality looked suspicious again. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" Ivanova didn't look up.

"I don't know," said the AP honestly. "Why are you doing this at all? She was your friend, but isn't this a bit much to risk for friendship?"

Ivanova looked at the AP contemplatively for a moment. "I'm doing this because I love her."

The AP was silent for a moment, sifting through the memories that were available to her. "So you really are a hopeless romantic," she said maliciously, "because she certainly didn't love you."

To hear that in Talia's voice... hurt. Even though she was pretty sure it wasn't true, and knew that the alternate personality didn't have all of Talia's memories. But if the AP was hoping for a reaction, it was disappointed. It took every gram of self-control she had, but all Ivanova did was shrug casually. "She's worth it."

 

*

 

Ivanova drifted up slowly through a warm and sensual haze of sleep. She was aware mostly of a naked tangle of limbs, Talia straining beneath her as their sweat-slicked bodies moved in tandem toward that most-desired apex. Talia's soft cry echoed through her when they reached it. She tenderly brushed the damp hair from Talia's forehead as the telepath pulled her lips down for a deep kiss, hot tongue stroking into her mouth, alternating with gentle nibbles of her lips. She lost herself in that kiss, her entire awareness narrowing down to that mouth and hers, warm, wet... which slid into reality as she awoke to find Talia draped across her in the pilot's chair, hands caressing her, mouth insistently pulling her back into the kiss.

Ivanova groaned deep in her throat and responded for a long aching moment before pulling back. "What are you doing?" she asked breathlessly.

"She didn't love you, but I can." The alternate personality continued her caresses, and Ivanova's body responded, helpless to stop it. A questing tongue made its way to her ear, soft lips nipping her lobe gently then continuing down her neck.

Ivanova was drowning in sensation, only barely keeping her own hands from possessing Talia's body that was not under Talia's control. _No!_ "No, stop." She tried to grab the telepath's hands to pull them away, but they evaded her.

"Why?" came the sultry question. That whiskey-hued voice so close to her ear sent shivers down her spine, just as it had from the very first time she'd heard it. "I can give you what she never did." The suggestive caresses made more intimate inroads, managing to unzip her flight suit part way, slipping a hand inside and stroking downwards. "Think of it," the warm breath continued, "everything you ever dreamed of... everything you ever wanted to do with her," the hand punctuated the words, "you can now have. I can feel how much you want it," the voice dropped to a bare whisper, "your body is saying 'yes' to me, I can feel it, it doesn't lie."

"Stop." Gasping weakly, Ivanova tried to dam the flood pouring through her.

"Think about it," the alternate personality continued, her lips still persistent against Ivanova's skin. "You and me together... all the places we can go, things we can do... all the love we can make..." the hand fondled lower still, "you know you want this... oh yes, you want me... so beautiful, so wet..."

The sensations overflowed and coursed rampantly though her, and Ivanova instinctively reached out to Talia with her mind. But what she touched was cold and hard and empty, and immediately dashed the heat from her as completely as being dunked in ice water. Forcefully, she jerked the telepath's hands free of her flight suit and dragged them both to their feet. "I said stop." The alternate personality struggled against her, but Ivanova was much stronger than Talia, and kept a firm grip on her wrists. For the barest moment, her temper threatened to snap, driven by grief as much as anger, but the warm flicker of the real Talia in the back of her mind kept her in control. Being careful not to hurt the telepath, she used her greater weight and strength to propel her back into her seat despite her continued struggles.

The alternate personality glared at up at Ivanova, but stopped fighting even as she swore at her. "Bitch!"

Ivanova merely raised a mild eyebrow at her. "I would rather not restrain you, but I will if you force me to."

The AP glowered at her, but remained silent.

"I told you not to make things more difficult than they needed to be. Behave yourself, and I'll leave you free." Ivanova could see the stubborn look that indicated she'd probably have more trouble with the telepath, and sighed as she zipped her flight suit back up. She resigned herself to little or no sleep from this point forward. It was going to make this a very long trip, but she had to maintain focus, she reminded herself. She couldn't let the actions of the alternate personality distract her from her ultimate goal. _I'll get you back, Talia. I swear it._

 

*

 

The next two days were passed in relative silence. Ivanova was careful to sleep only when the alternate personality slept, schooling her reflexes to snap her awake at Talia's slightest movement. Half the time, the telepath would be intentionally interrupting her sleep, a hint of knowing malice in that blue-eyed gaze. Ivanova kept reminding herself that this wasn't really Talia, and that if she let the alternate personality bait her it would lessen her chances of success, so she carefully maintained a neutral attitude.

It wasn’t long before Ivanova had a pretty good feel for when the alternate personality was faking, because her sense of Talia grew stronger when the AP was truly asleep. Time she should have spent sleeping she spent concentrating on Talia's warmth in her mind, and keeping her memories of the real Talia close, in order to keep herself focused on the goal of recovering the telepath. She replayed every moment that she'd spent with Talia over the last months, and especially their last night, while drifting in and out of sleep. It didn't make waking up any easier, but it kept nightmares at bay. It hurt too much to think of the other aspects of her life that she'd left behind; that was a yawning gulf that threatened her constantly. So she narrowed her attention more and more on Talia and her memories, dedicating only as much of her awareness to the alternate personality and their situation as was absolutely necessary.

The effort to remain awake grew in difficulty as her sleep deprivation increased, but her apprehension of what the alternate personality might try next helped to keep her alert. Even so, when her pilot's console starting beeping, it made no impression on her until the AP asked, "Is that supposed to be making that noise?"

Startled out of her musing, Ivanova, sat up and punched a key or two on the panel. "Ah," she murmured. She spent a few moments confirming the sensor readings, while the alternate personality looked on with interest.

"What is going on?" Surprisingly, the alternate personality seemed to have dropped her animosity for the moment.

Ivanova shot a quick glance at her. "We've come across a convoy of some sort," she said. "Looks like mostly Narn." The overhead view screen flickered to life as they came into visual range. "Quite a few of them... they look pretty battered." She punched a few more controls. "Their vector looks like they're headed to Leonis Prime. Probably refugees from the Narn-Centauri War."

This gave her an idea. It would delay them slightly, but if anyone was following them, it might throw them temporarily off the trail. She changed course and speed and slipped in behind the last ship. "With luck it'll be assumed that we're part of the convoy."

"So you're changing plans?" The alternate personality kept her voice carefully indifferent, hoping that Ivanova would drop a few clues to their final destination.

"Oh no, our plans are still the same," Ivanova said. "Just a slight deviation in route."

The AP thought about that for a moment. "So you're getting help on Leonis Prime?"

"No." Ivanova had kept all the details about her plans to herself, but figured that telling the AP that much wouldn't hurt. "Just a brief stop to see if we can get some fresh supplies."

"We're running out?" the alternate personality asked, with the merest hint of worry. She hadn't even considered the possibility.

Ivanova suppressed a chuckle. "No, we have plenty. But I thought maybe we could do with something a little different from EF rations. They get a little tedious after a while, don't you think?"

"Indeed." The AP settled back into silence, while still paying very close attention to what Ivanova was doing on the console, hoping to figure out a few things about how to handle the ship on her own.

Within half a day, the varied group of ships slowed in preparation for dropping out of hyperspace. Ivanova's attention did not wander again and she kept the little fighter tucked in tightly against the rear cluster of vessels, matching course and speed with practiced skill. She maintained that position through the local jump gate, and in real space most of the way to Leonis Prime VI.

The convoy came into the planetary system at an oblique angle, coasting over the top of an asteroid belt. They were just on the verge of crossing into the inner system, when Ivanova cursed suddenly and swerved to one side, diving down into a particularly dense cluster of boulders and asteroids of various sizes. "Hang on, this is going to get bumpy." She guided the little ship precisely between a pair of smaller rocks and then swung around the back side of a larger asteroid. "You should probably strap yourself in."

The alternate personality made no argument, immediately starting to fumble with all of the buckles of the safety harness. "What's going on?"

"There are Earth Force ships out there waiting for the convoy." Ivanova took up a stationary position next to one of the larger asteroids. "We'll have to hang back and wait for an opportunity to get back through the gate."

 _Or maybe an opportunity to signal one of those ships for help_ , thought the alternate personality to herself. Rescue by Earth Force wouldn't have been her first choice, but it was better than her other options at this point. "Why would Earth Force be out here?" she asked aloud.

Ivanova didn't spare the telepath a glance as she worked the sensors, tracking the asteroids around her. "A few months ago G'Kar asked Sheridan and Delenn for military help against the Centauri. They had to refuse officially, but started helping the Narn in other ways unofficially. Sending food, ferrying refugees, that sort of thing. These are older vessels mostly; they're used for more routine things like supply and courier runs, so wherever possible, Sheridan shifted their routes so that there would always be a few here to provide security for Leonis Prime in case the Centauri tried to attack the refugees or the system." She snorted at herself in disgust. "I completely forgot about them. But they're pretty slow; we can outrun them if we can make it back through the jump gate."

The alternate personality looked demurely away, saying nothing.

A sudden blast of weapons fire impacted the asteroid right next to them, sending them spinning. "What the hell?" Ivanova spun the fighter back around. Black Omega starfuries. Three of them. "Psi-Corps. Damn." They had probably been following them since they hit hyperspace. She returned one blast of fire then flew off through the belt.

"Told you they'd come after me," the alternate personality said smugly.

Two more blasts shattered boulders in their vicinity, scattering a spray of rocks over them. Ivanova evaded them skillfully. But regardless of their numbers, she was in her element here, and knew all the limitations of their starfuries. "I hate to break it to you, but they aren't shooting to capture – they're shooting to kill." She popped the battle tactical readouts up on the screen, even as she was plotting a crazy course through the asteroid field. "Keep an eye on that bar on the right," she said. "That tells you what power levels their weapons are at. Green zone, disable; red zone, destroy."

Ivanova switched over to manual flight controls, and ducked around a small asteroid, avoiding the next two bolts. "Oh yeah, they're here to _rescue_ you all right."   She sped off in a new direction. "The schematic on the left shows their targeting info, calculated from the timing of the shot, and its vector." She planted the nose of the little craft at a large asteroid this time, sluing around it 180° and firing back at them before careening off again. "You can tell whether they're aiming for the nacelles, or aiming for the cabin."

"C'mon boys, follow me like good little bloodhounds." Ivanova crooned at the screen. "That's it, a little closer..." She swooped in and around a couple of more asteroids, slowing slightly until they were close on her tail, then she sheared off abruptly, throwing herself and Talia sideways in their seats, and spun around to catch one of the Black Omegas in her crosshairs. She fired without hesitation, destroying it.

The alternate personality could only watch in horrified fascination. All thought of trying to distract Ivanova was lost in her fright at the demented flight path of the Drazi fighter.

"First blood, boys," Ivanova continued softly, more than a hint of sarcasm in her tone. "C'mon, you're not going to let yourselves get beat by a _mundane_ are you?" Taking another elaborate course through the rocks, she chuckled as the second Omega just missed the port nacelle. "Gotta do better than that!"

The alternate personality gripped the arms of her chair in panic. "You're insane! Just surrender!"

"No, I'm not crazy, just determined." Ivanova came around again on the hunt for her next kill. "And I will not be taken by those bastards." The next Omega obligingly popped up right into her crosshairs and she blasted it to pieces. "You see," she spun around again, slipping away from the last Omega's energy blast. "I don't have anything left to lose except Talia." She shimmied into another evasive pattern, getting a shot off that missed. "And if they capture me, I'll have lost her anyway..." Another shot, another miss. "So given the choice of losing her one way or the other, it's not going to be by being taken alive."

Yet another miss. Ivanova was tiring now, her lack of sleep catching up to her, but she doggedly kept the last Omega on the run. Narrowly missing another asteroid, she swore and came about, the little ship getting rocked sideways by the Omega's next blast.

The alternate personality held on to the seat arms desperately, watching as much of the tactical information as made sense to her. But even she could see that capture was not really the Omega's intent.

Another blast rocked them, this one coming closer still. With grim determination, Ivanova spun around for another shot, coming close but missing once again, and not quite avoiding the return blast. It grazed one of the nacelles and threw her off course, the damage taking away the slim advantage that the Drazi fighter had in speed and maneuverability, and making a straight course difficult to maintain. She sped along as well as she could with the Omega on her tail, knowing that absent another miracle, he had her. _I did the best I could, Talia. Sorry I let you down._

On the other hand, she wasn't dead yet, so maybe, just maybe... Ivanova slowed, and zigzagged the ship erratically, playing the wounded bird in order to draw the Omega closer. She was just getting ready to spin around one last time, when she was startled by an energy beam that came from an entirely new direction. "What the hell?" She sheared off again just in time to see the beam lance out a second time and destroy the remaining Black Omega. On the rear view screen, in place of the Omega, there was a ship unlike any that she'd ever seen before. She struggled to maintain control over her injured fighter, finally coming around and taking up a stationary position. She kept motionless, the new threat in her crosshairs, but not firing, watching it warily for any sign of its intentions. The new ship made no move other than to match her drift.

It was beautiful, Ivanova thought. Its graceful fluid curves glinted in the pale light of Leonis Prime, and its hull was brilliantly patterned in silver and blue.

"Who are they?" the alternate personality asked, still trying to regain her breath.

"I don't know," Ivanova replied honestly. "I've seen hundreds of ships come through Babylon 5, but I've never seen this configuration before." She shifted in her seat, her weariness coming back to her full force now that the intensity of the dogfight was gone. "At least they're not trying to kill us. Yet." She studied the sleek craft. It reminded her of something, but in her exhaustion, mental as well as physical, she couldn't put her finger on exactly what.

Ivanova fought off another wave of sleepiness, her eyes threatening to drift closed. They popped back open when her console beeped at her. The damaged nacelle was losing power quickly, making it difficult to maintain position. She shut it down the rest of the way, and turned her attention to trying to hold position with the remaining engine. "It is familiar though; I could swear I've seen something similar."

The alternate personality looked doubtful for a moment, contrasting the new vessel with Talia's memories. "Nothing I have ever seen before."

"It's something about the skin pattern," said Ivanova. But the only thing that came to mind was the Vorlon ship, and this was nothing like that. However, that did give her an idea. Cautiously, she opened her mind to it the way she had Kosh's ship, but there was only silence. Except... Talia's warmth flared in her awareness, and suddenly the image of Delenn's flyer sprang to mind. "Skin coloring, tailfin profile... Gotta be Minbari." _Hope you're right, Talia._ Before she could talk herself out of it, she punched the console button that started transmitting the data signal that she gotten from Lennier.

For long agonizing minutes after the transmission ended, the strange ship did nothing. Ivanova was contemplating trying to back her ship slowly away, to see if they'd let her go, when the other ship's running lights came on as it powered up. The alternate personality glanced at her nervously in the dim glow of the console, but Ivanova showed no fear and her intent look never wavered. Finally the screen shimmered to life, revealing a solemn, but kindly looking Minbari.

The Minbari gazed at them in silence for a long moment before he began to speak. "This is the White Star, and I am Sech Turval. You are Commander Ivanova, correct?"

Ivanova sighed in relief. "Yes. I know I was supposed to meet someone at different coordinates than this, but I ran into a little trouble."

"So I see. Do you have enough maneuvering ability to make it into our flight bay?"

"I think so."

"Good. I will meet you there shortly, and we will see about getting you to your destination." He terminated the connection.

For the first time since this whole episode began, Ivanova felt as if something was going right. _Hang on, Talia, the cavalry's coming._

 


	5. Moonrise

Ivanova slipped into the dimly lit communal sleeping chamber of the White Star. After six days of constant strain since the Alternate Personality had been activated, operating on little more than adrenalin, it was only with supreme tenacity that she remained on her feet. She'd just finished speaking with Sech Turval who'd explained where she was being taken. That didn't bother her much, she'd always wanted to see Minbar, but the toughest part was when they'd climbed down from the fighter. Talia, or rather the personality presently inhabiting her, had been terrified, the reality of her situation hitting her hard. Artificial she might have been, but her emotional responses were grafted on top of Talia's, and with nowhere to run and nothing familiar around her to hang on to except Ivanova, that is what she'd done. The former commander could still feel the impression on her arm where the AP had grasped her so desperately. The feeling had seared across her senses, her tenuous abilities having no difficulty picking up that strong an emotion.

_So help me God, I actually felt sorry for it._ It didn't alter her determination at all, but still she felt bad. She had held Talia's body close to her own, murmuring comforting nonsense into her ear as one of the Minbari placed a small electronic device to the telepath's temple. At the press of a hidden button, a light had started blinking and Talia had slumped insensible in her arms.

"Have no fear, Commander Ivanova," Turval had said. "This will merely keep her unconscious for the duration of our journey." At a gesture from him, two of the Minbari had taken Talia's body from her and carried her out of the bay. Ivanova had understood why they'd done that, but it had still been difficult to watch them carry her away.

Ivanova scanned the rows of angled beds; Turval had promised that they would put Talia in here with her. There she was, on one of the strange beds next to the back wall, just visible on the edge of a pool of darkness. She bent over her, stroking the blond hair gently and checking her pulse. Strong and steady, the telepath seemed merely to be deeply asleep, and unlike when she'd been heavily sedated, the warm trickling current at the back of her mind was easily perceptible. "Won't be long now, baby," she murmured, dropping a kiss on Talia's forehead.

Looking at the slanted beds in confusion, Ivanova finally shrugged and lay down on the one next to Talia. She tossed and turned, trying to find a position in which she could relax, but she couldn't get comfortable despite her exhaustion, so she grabbed the flat triangular pillow and lay on the floor where it was darkest. She lay there a while looking up at Talia, still unable to sleep, until finally she sighed and got to her feet once again. She grabbed another pillow and very carefully lifted the telepath and placed her on the floor next to her own spot, then lay next to her, wrapping Talia's warm body in her arms. With a deep sigh she finally, for the first time since the discovery of the alternate personality, fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

 

*

 

Ivanova was disoriented when she awoke, the normalcy of Talia in her arms conflicting with the strange room and hard floor. It did not take her long to remember where she was, but she remained still, merely holding the telepath close, and for a brief moment pretended that everything was all right and that last day on Babylon 5 had never happened. But she quickly thrust that dream aside forcibly, not allowing herself to feel the pain of that lost existence. _Focus._

"You must have been tired, you've been asleep for more than twelve hours," said a quiet voice.

Ivanova's eyes jerked up to find a man leaning against the wall beside her makeshift bed. He was human, wearing what she recognized as a Ranger uniform, of medium height with close cropped curly hair, a square jaw and cleft chin. She recognized him as being the first Ranger to have shown up on the station. "You've been through Babylon 5." It was a statement, not a question.

He did not look surprised, his serious face remaining expressionless. "Yes." He watched as Ivanova carefully untangled herself from Talia and got to her feet. "That was some very impressive flying you did."

"No. It was lunatic, bordering on suicidal." She appraised him as he appraised her. "I'd hardly slept in days, and it was luck alone that kept me from immolating myself against an asteroid," she said dryly.

The Ranger's mouth quirked faintly in what passed for a smile. "You look like you could use something to eat."

Ivanova nodded. "Among other things. What I'd really like is a shower."

"This ship was not built with humans in mind, however we have jury-rigged some vibe units, if you'd like."

"I'd like." Ivanova looked down at Talia and hesitated.

The Ranger, understanding, said softly "She will be safe here, I promise you."

Ivanova gave him a measuring glance and decided that he was right. "Let's go then."

They walked down the passageway in silence until Ivanova asked, "How long until we reach Minbar?" She gestured back the way they came, "She's going to need hydration too."

"Another twelve hours. Don't worry; she will be taken care of." He slowed and waved her through a door. "In here."

Ivanova ducked into the room, and seeing a stall directly in front of her, walked right into it without pausing, clothing and all. Vibe showers weren't the best way to do laundry, but they'd work in a pinch. She punched the button to turn it on, closing her eyes briefly at the sonic vibrations, then proceeded to methodically strip off her flight suit, oblivious to the Ranger behind her.

The faint quirk of the Ranger's eyebrow was as expressive as his smile had been, and he turned to leave.

It took a while before she felt decently clean, but finally it was done. Ivanova had shaken her long dark hair out under the vibe, but now had it neatly braided once again and was just zipping back into her refreshed flight suit when the Ranger returned. She gave him a slight formal nod of acknowledgement. "You mentioned something to eat?"

"This way." As taciturn as herself, the ranger led the way in silence down the hall, away from the direction that they had initially come.

Ivanova studied the walls of the hallway they were walking down. It looked exotic, but reminded her somewhat of decorations that she had seen in Ambassador Delenn's quarters. Panels of a mysterious dark metal alternated with bright crystalline triangular sections that glowed with internal light, while curved sections of the same two materials arched above to meet the ceiling. She bounced a little for a few steps, testing the feel of the gravity – she hadn't seen any rotating sections, so this must be the graviton field effect that she'd heard about. _Traveling in style, Talia._

After a turning or two, the Ranger entered another chamber, obviously a dining hall. Funny how typical they all were, regardless of species. He stopped inside the door and sketched a brief bow. "I have duties, if you will excuse me."

"Of course." Ivanova stepped further into the dining hall, glancing around curiously. There were mostly Minbari in the room, but a few humans too. Most of the Minbari wore long white robes, but some were wearing Ranger uniforms as were all the humans. The room did not seem large at first, but as she stepped further in, she could see that there were sections that angled off on either side like wings. The walls all the way around had nooks in them in booth-like arrangements where small groups could sit together, in addition to the usual tables scattered about.

"Commander Ivanova." Turval appeared at her shoulder. "Perhaps you would join me."

Ivanova looked up at him hesitantly. "Certainly, Sech Turval." She followed him to a table in one of the nooks. As she sat down where he indicated, someone placed a tray in front of her. "Thank you," she said looking up, but the person was already gone. She shrugged and returned her attention to what was on the tray. Nothing that she recognized, so it must be Minbari.

Turval spoke up. "These are the dishes that the humans aboard seem find the most palatable, if a little bland for their tastes."

"I'm sure that they will be fine, sir." Ivanova picked up a utensil and took a bite of a pasty looking substance, rolling it around on her tongue. Bland, yes, but it did have a delicate flavor that while odd, was not unpleasant. It was better than the EF rations that she'd been eating for the last several days, anyway.

"You may call me Turval." He watched her expectantly.

Ivanova looked up at him. "Thank you, Turval. And thank you for the rescue."

He smiled at her benignly. "You would have had him I think, even if we had not interfered. We could tell that your ship was not as damaged as your flight path might have indicated."

"Black Omega starfuries are modified to give them longer range, and so have fewer power-draining sensors." Ivanova shrugged. "The Corps apparently believes that Psi abilities compensate enough to justify that." She smiled suddenly. "But scanning takes a certain amount of concentration, so the trick is to keep them busy enough that they don't have a chance to do it." She took another bite, tasting it thoughtfully before swallowing. "However, with that engine damaged, I probably didn't have enough weapons power to do more than wound him, so even if I had hit him, I still would have needed your help."

Turval gave her a slight nod in acknowledgement, agreeing with her assessment and respecting her honesty. "So what are your plans after this, Commander Ivanova?"

Ivanova looked up at him straightforwardly and said, "I am no longer an Earth Force commander."

"My apologies." Turval inclined his head formally. "What then are your plans, Ivanova?"

"To eliminate the alternate personality and restore Ms. Winters, of course."

"No, I mean after that," Turval said. "Your plans for the future."

"I have no future," Ivanova said after a slight pause, the words coming out harsher than she had intended. "I gave that up when I took her from them."

Turval gave her a kindly smile. "Of course you still have a future," he said gently. "And you must start thinking about it."

Ivanova clamped down hard on a threatening surge of emotion. "I can't see that far ahead right now." She shook her head. "No."

"It may not be the future that you had envisioned for yourself, but it is still there," Turval said patiently. "I understand that you have concentrated everything on your current task in order to ensure success. But there is also danger in reducing your vision this far, there will still be obstacles and opportunities to navigate."

Ivanova kept her eyes on her plate, unable to explain. To consider what future might come afterwards... that meant confronting the possibility of failure. "I... I can't," she said hoarsely. She cleared her throat and grabbed control of herself once again. _Focus._ "I can't make any plans until I know the outcome," she said firmly. "Excuse me." She stood and left without a backward look.

Turval shook his head after her with a slight smile. This one would be more stubborn than most humans, he could tell. But he had learned to appreciate the tenacity of humans, when given a proper task for their talents. The trick would be getting through to her.

Ivanova strode resolutely down the hall, Turval's words staying with her despite all attempts to keep them out. He was just being kind, and she regretted running out like that, but... Could she imagine a life without Talia? The pain of that thought was staggering, nearly equaling the pain of losing her mother, and she pushed it away. But the insidious idea wormed its way through her, making her clutch blindly at Talia's warmth in her mind. For a fleeting moment that brought comfort.

What would she do? It occurred to her suddenly that the question was virtually the same even if she did get Talia back. _That_ at least she could think about. It was evident that they couldn't return to Babylon 5 or Earth Alliance space. Earth Dome would want Ivanova herself, and the Psi-Corps would want them both. She knew that having seen firsthand the evil that it did, Talia now both hated and feared the Psi-Corps, and probably would not regret leaving it behind. _What would you want, Talia?_ What about the Rangers? No, probably not. She pondered the question without reaching a conclusion all the way back to the sleeping chamber.

The chamber was as silent and empty as when she'd first arrived.  Ivanova wearily made her way back to Talia.  Someone had been here apparently; the telepath was in the same position that she'd left her, but was now resting on a padded bedroll.  A second one for her was right next to it. The Ranger had obviously been busy; too bad she hadn't gotten his name.

Ivanova studied the unconscious telepath.  First things first; Talia would certainly want to get cleaned up too.  Satisfied with her decision, she headed back to the fighter bay and slipped aboard her stolen ship.  She had an extra flight suit in her pack, it would be a little bit long on Talia, but certainly more convenient than the skirt she'd worn to dinner the night this whole debacle started.  The pack also had a few toiletries and the remaining ration kits, and she decided to take all of them with her too.

Ivanova dropped the pack off in the shower room, and headed back to get Talia.  She gently picked the telepath up and carried her out and down the hallway.  After carefully navigating the doorway, she set her down in the stall so that she was leaning against the wall.  "Ok, Talia, let's get these clothes off of you first."  Suiting her actions to the words, she managed without too much trouble to get the telepath down to her underwear, then grabbed the vibe shower head and carefully ran it over her.  Once she was satisfied, she did the telepath's hair too.  She spent a moment when she was done running her fingers through the golden strands, appreciating the warm silken feel.  Sighing, she put the vibe head back and with some difficulty wrestled Talia in the flight suit.  Grabbing the pack and slinging it over her shoulder, she picked the telepath up again and returned to the sleeping chamber.

Ivanova set Talia down on the pad, and made sure that she was comfortably arranged.  Then she sat next to her and made herself consume part of one of the ration kits before curling herself once again around the telepath.  "Night, Talia," she said drowsily.

Sleep came to Ivanova easily, but was no longer dreamless.

 

*

 

Echoes of the alternate personality's mocking laughter through her dreams brought Ivanova awake a short while later. She got up onto trembling knees just as the door opened, admitting Turval.

"My pardon for the intrusion," he said gently. "But I wished to make sure that you were all right."

"I'm fine," Ivanova said irritably, still shaken from her dream. Then she sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

Turval smiled. "No offence taken." He waited expectantly.

"Turval, I..."  Ivanova looked at him searchingly, and then started again.  "I'm sorry that I walked away from you earlier, I did hear what you said.  Honestly, I still can't see past this," she gestured vaguely towards Talia, "but I am thinking about it."

"That is a start," Turval said, pleased.  So, this young one was strong of will without being willful.  He appraised her, noting that while her gaze was troubled, it was forthright and met his without wavering. She had striking eyes, and he thought she was quite beautiful, for a human.  She obviously loved this telepath very deeply, and his well-hidden romantic streak determined that regardless of the outcome, he was going to take particular care of them. He glanced down at the cleaned and changed telepath.  "I see you've been busy."

Ivanova nodded.  "Thanks for the pads, by the way."

Turval gave her a benign smile.  "It usually takes a while to get used to the Minbari beds, so we have those on hand for new recruits."

"I rate that highly?"  Ivanova smiled back, raising an eyebrow at him.

"An exception was made. The Rangers here aboard the White Star have taken a liking you," Turval dropped a small package next to her and Talia's things. "They put together these things for you as well."   He paused briefly. "They were quite impressed with your piloting."

"So I understand," replied Ivanova, with a slight smile.

His look turned stern, though his voice remained mild. "One told me that you had called it suicidal." He left the implication hanging.

"Hopeless and doomed probably would have been a better description." She arched an eyebrow at him. "I wasn't looking to commit suicide by Black Omega, I was doing my damnedest to survive that confrontation. But it was obvious that they didn't intend to catch me alive... and I wouldn't have let them even if they'd wanted to."

"Still, that seems to be a little extreme doesn't it?" Turval was still curious as to what drove this young woman. It seemed reckless and out of character for the conscientiously poised and proper Commander that Delenn had described to him.

Ivanova sighed. "I have a certain history with the Psi-Corps; leave it at that." She lapsed back into a gloomy silence and busied herself with the contents of the little package. Hygiene kit similar to those issued by Earth Force, portable hand-held vibe unit, and a mess kit with additional human style food rations that the Rangers used. Handy.

He let the silence stretch out for a while, then, "But you are doing better now, yes?"

Ivanova shrugged, not looking at him. "I don't know, I guess so."

"You guess? Do you not know?" Turval asked patiently.

"Just a little worried..." she trailed off, glancing up finally. He obviously wasn't buying that. "This is the first chance I've had since leaving Babylon 5 to think at all, instead of merely react. And now..." She put the pack down and shoved her hands into the pockets of her flight suit. "I'm scared. It's more than just Talia, it's about me as well... I've always avoided telepaths, and now I'm headed into a whole colony of them."

Turval waited expectantly.

Ivanova started pacing anxiously. _It doesn't matter right? It can't be a secret much longer anyway._ Suddenly she stopped and looked up at him, taking a deep breath as if bracing for impact. "I'm a latent telepath, and I've spent my whole life hiding from the Psi-Corps because of it. That's how I know that the real Talia is still alive, and part of the reason to get her away from them. The alternate personality doesn't remember what I am, but who knows what the Corps would be able to wring out of her brain?"

"But the Psi-Corps cannot reach you here, so you have nothing to worry about," Turval pointed out.

"I know that. Or rather, my head knows that, but emotionally..." She looked up at him frankly. "It's not an easy thing to leave behind."

"Perhaps you should view this as a chance to explore what you could have been all along if it had not been for the Psi-Corps. Such potential should not be wasted."

"Maybe. But after watching everything that my mother went through... I'm ambivalent about the prospect at best."

Turval rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Difficult experiences must be faced and overcome; you must not let them cripple you, Susan." He hesitated for a second. "I may call you Susan, yes?"

"Of course." Looking up into his sympathetic eyes, she felt a sudden desperate need to talk to someone that surprised her. She found herself pouring out her mother's whole story to him, and in much greater detail than she'd ever shared with anyone. He made periodic encouraging noises whenever she paused, but otherwise did not interrupt her narrative.

"...So I'm not sure if all of this isn't being driven as much by my anger at the Corps and grief over my mother, as by my grief for Talia. Or maybe since I couldn't prevent them from taking my mother, I've committed myself to making sure that they can't have Talia." She stopped and leaned back against the wall, exhausted.

Turval finally spoke. "Perhaps elements of all of those things, Susan. We rarely have a single pure motive for anything that we do."

Ivanova nodded agreement. "I jumped at the most insubstantial possibility of getting her back without considering how much it might take, without thinking the consequences through, and I never do that. Each step on the way has led me further and further along, until I'm in so deep that I can't turn back." She pushed away from the wall and started pacing restlessly again. "It’s like I’m trapped inside a nightmare on a dark night that won’t end. I have nothing left to wake up to... succeed or not I'll be pursued by both Earth and the Corps for the rest of my life."

Before Turval could answer, the Ranger that had showed her around earlier entered the room. "We have reached Minbar." Two Minbari Rangers filed into the room behind him, and he gestured to them over to the telepath. "Your shuttle is ready, Sech Turval."

"Very well, let us go." Turval laid a friendly hand on Ivanova's shoulder again. "Come, I will take you down myself."

When they reached the shuttle, Ivanova climbed in after the Rangers. They folded a bench down from the bulkhead and laid the telepath gently on it, then exited. She made sure Talia was secured, and then buckled herself into her own seat as Turval took the pilot's position.

They took off in silence, but once they hit space, Ivanova asked, "Where on Minbar are we headed?"

"It is a remote portion of the northern land mass," said Turval. "I am not a telepath, or knowledgeable in all of their ways, but it is a place of learning and mastery, where they go to hone and advance their abilities. More than that, you will have to ask them."

Turval concentrated on the shuttle in silence for a while and then remarked, "You said you have nothing because you would be pursued for the rest of your life." Turval turned to her, a hint of a smile on his face. "You do have an alternative, if I may make a suggestion."

Ivanova looked at him warily. "What is it?"

"The Rangers." Turval said promptly. "They feel that with your abilities and Earth Force training you would be a great asset, and also that they could learn a thing or two from you."

Ivanova mulled this over. "And what do you think, Turval?" She looked at him steadily.

"They would learn from you, yes, but they also have things to teach you. You would be a good match for them."

Remembering his previous comments, Ivanova's eyes narrowed at him. "You had that in mind all along, didn't you?"

Turval smiled unashamedly. "I must confess that I did. However, it was Delenn that first gave me the idea."

"Delenn?" Ivanova turned and looked absently at the unconscious Talia, thinking. Regardless of outcome, Delenn had done her a great favor in arranging for them to come here. And she had to admit truthfully that Turval was right; the Rangers were a perfect fit for her. She looked back up at Turval, who was still smiling at her, patiently confident of her response. "Quid pro quo," she said, nodding.

"And that means...?" Turval asked.

"It means 'this for that' in an old Earth language. Delenn and the Rangers helped me, so in return, I help them. Delenn is connected to the Rangers, right?"

"Yes, but I am sure that she would not make any such demand of you."

"Perhaps not. But I would make that demand of me." She paused thoughtfully. "Besides, the idea appeals to me on its own merits." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "At least it gives me a goal to concentrate on beyond the immediate; I have been feeling so... off balance."

Turval made another noncommittal noise of encouragement, knowing that there was more bothering her.

"My whole life I've always had a plan," Ivanova continued. "Knew where I was going and how to get there, but this... this has been one disastrous improvisation after another." She turned away from him sharply.

"The Universe does not always obey our plans, I have noticed," said Turval humorously. "You may have been improvising, but what was the end result? You made it to the best help you could obtain, with you both in one piece. I do not see that as disastrous." When Ivanova didn't answer him, he turned towards her and continued seriously. "Susan, do not waste energy on useless self-reproach."

"It isn't useless," Ivanova shot back indignantly. She took a deep breath to continue.

But Turval interrupted before she could use it. "Yes it is. You cannot use analysis of presumed failure to distract yourself from your fear of the task before you." He returned neatly to the real underlying issue. "Delenn is fond of saying that we are all slaves to our histories. And each of us must learn to break those chains in our own way." Ivanova remained silent, facing away. Turval shook his head, reaching over and gripping her shoulder. "Talia depends on you embracing this challenge instead of the past. Cast off your ambivalence for her sake, if not your own."

Ivanova turned finally and looked piercingly at him. Turval did not look away from the intentness of her gaze, and content to let the silence stretch out, waited patiently for her to speak. Finally her eyes dropped and she nodded, sighing. "I know that you're right, and I'm trying. But..."

"You must stop trying and start doing. Listen to your heart."

"It's my heart that got me into this," Ivanova remarked dryly.

"And that was a good thing; following our hearts is what gives meaning to our lives," Turval said gently. "But you must not let your fear control you or you will never be whole. When you escaped from Babylon 5 and then fought the Black Omegas, did you stop to plan, analyze, and dwell upon the past?"

"No," Ivanova said reluctantly.

"And yet you must have been afraid, as any sensible person would be. Why was that different?"

Ivanova looked back up at him. "I couldn't think about it then, I just did what I had to do."

Turval smiled, she was getting there. "And why was that?"

"In battle, you have to jettison everything that would slow you down or hold you back." She sighed and shook her head. "Including fear. Which is your point, isn't it?"

"Part of it," Turval nodded. "To lose your fear of a thing, you must do that thing. The terror that damages us the most is the terror within and that is where it must be conquered." When Ivanova didn't answer, he continued. "Your dark night is not over and you have things you must do."

Ivanova looked at him for a very long time saying nothing. As the silence stretched out, Turval began to question the effect of his words; although he had learned to read humans well, her expression was now impenetrable to him. Finally however, her shoulders straightened fractionally and she took a measured breath. "You're right of course." She gave him a firm nod. "I'll do my best."

Turval smiled in satisfaction and turned back to the shuttle controls.

The trip was completed in silence. But once Turval had landed the small shuttle, he turned to Ivanova again. "I will not say goodbye, but rather good luck.  If you will allow me, I will look in on you whenever I am able," he said gently.

Ivanova's capricious abilities kicked in, and she caught a flash of his honest sincerity and regard for her.  She liked him she decided, and hoped she would be able to see him again someday.  "I'd enjoy that, Turval," she said quietly.  "Thank you."  She unbuckled from her seat and gathered Talia in her arms, and then stepped out into the cold dry air, uncertain of what to expect.


	6. The Calling

It was windy on the desolate little plateau where Turval had dropped her. Halfway up a tall mountain, its surface was scattered with innumerable splinters and shards of cubic crystal rods ranging from the size of a grain of sand up to person-size or larger. The plateau stood at the foot of a sheer rock face that was veined extensively with the translucent white crystal, which looked similar to the crystals at her feet. She waited for the shuttle to take off then turned to look down the bleak valley below. It was similarly rock and crystal covered, and bounded by rugged barren peaks. The stark arid landscape had an austere beauty that she could well appreciate. Wondering where she was to go, she turned back to the rock face and found that she was being watched.

A Minbari woman in flowing white robes stood next to a large vertical outcrop of jagged and crumbling rock and crystal. She was about Ambassador Delenn's height, Ivanova judged, but much older. She felt the mental buzz of telepathic contact and instinctively blocked it. The Minbari's expression did not change. "Sorry," she muttered, realizing where it must have come from. Diffidently, she opened her mind, clamping down sharply on her innate fear of mental contact with anyone.

At that, the woman's face softened. "It is all right, there is nothing of which you need be afraid," she said in an unusually deep and resonant voice. "You bring us the one of whom we were told?"

"Yes." Ivanova shifted Talia in her arms and walked over to where the woman was standing. She was well able to carry the telepath's slight weight, but was still tired even after all of the sleep she had gotten aboard the White Star.

The Minbari telepath placed a hand on Talia's head and concentrated for several long moments. "Yes, I can see the damage." She lifted piercing and expressive dark eyes to Ivanova. "I am Shaal Linell. You are welcome here. Come." She turned and walked around the crystal outcrop into a natural slit leading into the mountain.

Ivanova followed her, carefully maneuvering so as not to hit Talia's head against the rock. Within a very short distance, the path widened into a large cavern, that was lit softly by sunlight shining through the crystal veins of the rock face. Ivanova stopped to look in awe. There were multiple upper walkways at various levels above her, hewn out of the rock and crystal of the mountain, and she counted a couple dozen people alone or in clusters scattered about, all wearing the same flowing white robes. It was eerily silent except for the trickle of water that she could hear coming from somewhere. Just barely perceptible to her latent abilities was a constant murmur of mental voices rippling around the margins of her mind.

At an unspoken command, another Minbari appeared at her elbow. Ivanova looked up at him, and up, and up... His willowy frame was easily over seven feet tall, but his face and eyes were so gentle that any nervousness she might have felt instantly faded. His wordless mental voice in her mind was soft and she responded in kind without apprehension, allowing him to take Talia from her arms. With a smile, Shaal Linell mentally gestured for her to follow them. She obeyed without comment, hesitating to break the silence by speaking aloud.

Ivanova trailed along behind Linell and the tall one as they went straight back into the mountain, following one of the many passageways that extended radially out from the main chamber. As they went deeper, artificial light supplemented and then supplanted the natural, some unknown power source causing the crystal veins in the walls to glow. None was bright enough to hurt the eyes, but the sum of them provided illumination almost equal to the daylight in the main chamber. Ivanova bumped into walls several times as the passageway curved this way and that, so involved with looking up and around her, that she neglected to pay attention to the path.

The end of the passageway turned a sharp corner, doubling back on itself and widening into a small chamber. There was a small alcove on the right where Ivanova could hear more water trickling, a small table with chair, and two beds. One was the standard slanted Minbari style, the other was flatter, but was cowled at the head and had short curved sides. Linell spoke softly. "This space is yours for as long as you remain with us." She gestured to her tall companion as he carefully arranged the unconscious telepath on the flatter bed, her head under the cowl. "This is Churt, he will help you with anything you require or need to know."

Ivanova nodded. "What is the purpose of that?" She walked over to watch Churt adjust some mysterious settings on Talia's bed, and then take the Rangers' device off of the telepath's temple. There was a brief flicker in her perception of Talia; but it returned quickly, and at a slightly stronger level.

"This is a special stasis unit," said Linell. "It shuts down her body's metabolism while keeping her mind active so that we may help her without frightening or unduly hurting her."

"It made my perception of her increase just now," said Ivanova. "My sense of the real Talia, I mean."

Linell looked at her, surprised. "You sense the difference between them?" She hadn't thought that Ivanova had that much Psi talent.

Ivanova shook her head. "I don't sense the alternate personality at all, but I can feel Talia in the back of my mind. A warm sort of... trickle, I guess."

"Will you show me?" Linell asked. "It might be important." Churt came and stood by her, looking on with interest.

With determined trepidation, Ivanova opened her mind to Linell. The sensation wasn't nearly as frightening as she'd imagined, only the lightest movement through her thoughts, touching nothing except Talia's warmth; judging it.

Linell examined it thoroughly. What Ivanova described as a warm trickle was a slender thread of connection to the authentic personality. She traced along that filament back to its source. "Yes, that is certainly not the synthetic mind."

"And do you think that you can help her?" Ivanova was surprised at the steadiness of her voice. She had found the calm atmosphere within the mountain to be very soothing, despite her anxieties. She pulled the data crystal out of its protective pocket in her flight suit and rolled it around in the palm of her hand. "I brought this. It's a recording the Vorlon Ambassador made of some part of Talia."

Linell took it from her. "We will have to analyze this and her at great depth to determine whether this task can be done." She caught Ivanova's gaze with an intent look. "We will need to examine you deeply as well." She paused fractionally. "I notice that you are not completely comfortable with mental contact, despite having some limited ability yourself."

Ivanova shrugged and tried to appear more confident than she really was; knowing that it probably wouldn't fool Linell. "My mother and Talia are the only ones I've ever had mental contact with. But," she took a deep breath, "I will do whatever I have to do for Talia."

"Very well," said Linell, after giving her a penetrating look. "It will take several days to do a thorough study of the problem, but we will start on this part immediately," she indicated the data crystal. "In the meantime you should rest." She turned and left the room, Churt at her heels.

"Great," muttered Ivanova, looking at the angle of the Minbari bed. "This will be very restful, I'm sure." She dropped her pack on the floor next to it.

She looked around the small chamber and headed for the alcove. A bathroom, she noted. The water was trickling down into a small basin carved into the rock wall. Cupping her hands in it, she took a sip. It was cold and refreshing with a slightly metallic taste and she drank deeply. She was slightly hungry, but didn't feel like pursuing that at the moment. She stepped back out into the room and glanced around. By the entrance was a round flat metal disk embedded in the wall. Curious as to what it did she went over and touched it. Immediately, the lights imbedded in the walls dimmed and touching it again brought them back up. "Not bad."

After contemplating the floor, which was the rocky bottom of the cavern carved down to a flat well-textured surface for good traction, but obviously nothing you'd want to sleep on, she pushed the Minbari style bed as close to Talia as it would go. Then she dimmed the lights and lay down. She found that if she lay on her side and folded the pillow in half, it would support her head well enough, though she still felt that she was going to slide off. Reaching out to hold Talia's hand, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

 

*

 

Ivanova paced nervously around her empty chamber. They'd taken Talia and her stasis bed somewhere else in the cavern two days ago and now she was awaiting her own summons.

She'd managed to keep the nerves at bay for those two days by exploring the caverns and the surrounding mountainside. Her favorite spot was a small saddle pass that she'd found where a ridge coming off the side of the main summit above made a little dip before rising again to form a lesser peak. From there she could see both the valley below the colony and the northern ice cap stretching out forever on the backside of the mountain. It had taken a lot of exertion to get up there; she was not used to either the gravity, which was stronger than that maintained on Babylon 5, or the thin, oxygen-poor air. But it was sunny and she'd found a pleasant spot out of the constant wind where it was almost warm. A side benefit was that it kept her tired enough when she came back down that she could sleep soundly even without Talia at her side.

Ivanova slept deeply, but had constant, oddly vivid dreams of Talia; reliving every interaction between them from the moment they had met. She suspected that it had something to do with the Minbari telepaths and what they were examining in Talia's mind that was coming through whatever thread connected them.

One memory that was repeated several times was the first time that Ivanova had ever felt Talia's mind, even though it was of minor importance relative to their later relationship. She had come across the telepath sitting in the Zen garden, visibly upset, and talking to Garibaldi. Once Garibaldi had left, she approached the telepath. "Ms. Winters? Are you all right? Talia?" The telepath looked up at her, still hugging herself tightly and saying nothing, horror evident on her face. Ivanova shook her head and sighed. "I know they had you scan Mueller. Here," she said gently, offering Talia her hand. "Let me walk you back to your quarters, ok?"

Talia shook her head silently.

Ivanova considered her for a moment. Things had thawed noticeably between them in the month since they'd helped Alisa Beldon, and she had felt a sudden strong protective urge towards the telepath. "All right," she said softly. "Then come back to my quarters, I'll make you a cup of tea and you can relax in safety for a while." She held her hand back out.

After gazing up at her for a moment, Talia took Ivanova's hand and got to her feet. "Thank you," she said her voice barely audible.

Ivanova pulled Talia's hand through her arm, covering up a wince as the telepath gripped it tightly. That's when the wave of distress and horror from Talia had washed over her, despite the psi-dampening gloves the telepath wore. She jumped slightly at the sensation, but the telepath didn't notice. Ivanova had said nothing; she couldn't tell if the telepath was unknowingly projecting in her highly distraught state or if her own limited abilities had kicked in. The possibility that Talia had touched her mind should have upset her, but she had avoided thinking about the fact that it didn't.

 

*

 

Pace, pace, pace, turn. Pace, pace, pace, turn. These thoughts were not getting her anywhere, and Ivanova's nerves were getting wound tighter with each pass. She tried taking deep breaths to settle herself, but they weren't working. She'd faced deadly battles with far less fear than this, she chastised herself. "C'mon, get a grip."

Churt chose that moment to enter the room, interrupting her train of self-belittlement. Ivanova was no longer afraid of mental contact with the tall Minbari and had become rather fond of him, even though she couldn't get him to tell her how he'd lost one of the spikes on his bone crest. All he ever gave her was a shy smile. Which was now accompanied his unspoken command. She nodded acquiescence and steeled herself to follow him.

There was no way to tell the size of the chamber where he led her, it was on an upper level that she hadn't explored before, and was so dark that she couldn't see the far wall. But not far into the space was a single pool of light where Talia lay, still in the stasis bed, her golden hair radiant in its glow. A disconnected part of her mind idly noticed how thin and pale the telepath looked, although that could have been the effect of the lighting. Another of the Minbari beds was next to her, and around them in a circle were nine cloaked and shadowy forms.

As Churt melted away from her in the darkness, one of the forms stepped forward to meet her. _Welcome,_ Linell's resonant voice rang in her head. _Are you ready?_

 _As I'll ever be._ Ivanova suddenly wished that Churt had stayed with her, for moral support if nothing else.

Linell placed a mild hand on Ivanova's arm. _Calm yourself. We will not hurt you; we will merely examine the connection between you._ She led the dark haired woman over to the empty bed, helping her to lie down. _Close your eyes and open your mind._ She stroked Ivanova's forehead gently to help calm her before returning to her place in the circle.

Ivanova did her best to relax, opening her mind as Linell instructed. She heard the voices of the other telepaths echoing through her head immediately, almost singing. It took her a moment to realize that they _were_ singing, or rather musically chanting in words she didn't understand. She struggled against the intrusion briefly, then at an unspoken suggestion by Linell, concentrated on the chant, allowing it to fill her consciousness completely, until she drifted away with it.

In a distant sort of way she felt them sifting through her mind and memories, pausing here and there to concentrate on items that they found to be important. As they went deeper and deeper into her consciousness, Talia's warmth burned in her, its coils searing the back of her retinas as if she was looking at a bright light in her mind. The combined abilities of all nine telepaths had heightened and concentrated her connection to Talia and she was vaguely surprised at the coldly contrasting perception that she got through them of the alternate personality that had been grafted onto the telepath.

The cacophony of information flooding through her from the perceptions of nine powerful telepaths would have been confusing except for the chant that interwove itself into an insulating layer which allowed her to float above it. Even as she tried to feel afraid and concerned at what the telepaths were doing, their mantra continued to lull her awareness until she was barely sensible of what they were doing and finally the passage of time slipped away from her.

Ivanova awoke back in her own chamber, confused as to how she got there. The stasis bed and its occupant were once again right next to her. In momentary panic, she scrambled to feel Talia's warmth in her mind, relieved to find that it was still solidly perceptible. She sighed softly. So that was being deep scanned the Minbari way. Nothing at all like what she imagined Psi-Cops would do. _What did you think of it, Talia?_ Were the Minbari simply more powerful than Psi-Cops, or were they just more careful? Even though it hadn't been as painfully terrifying as she'd expected, on reflection she still found it to be a profoundly disturbing experience.

Ivanova's stomach rumbled. It had been a long time since she'd been truly hungry, feeling too upset and anxious to do more than nibble unless she forced herself. And even then it sat like a lump in her stomach. She wondered idly how long it had been. If it had taken them two days with Talia, would they have needed the same amount of time for her?

Churt's answer in the negative whispered into her mind as he entered the room. Ivanova stood and gave him a smile. _Only a few hours? Seems longer._ He gave her his shy smile, indicating that she should eat and prepare herself while he waited outside. Shaal Linell and the other telepaths were prepared to speak to her when she was ready.

For some reason her hunger disappeared at that. But she ate a bite from her pack anyway then washed up as well as she could at the sink. _Wish us luck, Talia._ She kissed the telepath on the forehead, then squared her shoulders and marched out to where Churt was waiting.

 

*

 

Shaal Linell held the data crystal up, the other eight telepaths standing silently in a half circle behind her. "We have determined that the portion of the data that relates to this task is the antiphase of the synthetic mind."

"What does _that_ mean?" asked Ivanova, thankful that they were speaking aloud for once.

"It is the equal and opposite phase of the synthetic mind, and is therefore... a cancellation function under the right conditions."

Ivanova pondered this for a moment, trying to visualize just what Linell was talking about. "What happens to Talia then?"

Linell bypassed that question for the moment. "As far as we can determine from information imbedded in the synthetic mind, the programming was added as a last minute adjustment before she was sent to Babylon 5. Her predecessor on the station had had some sort of interaction with the Vorlon, apparently?"

"Yes," Ivanova nodded. "It was before I was assigned to Babylon 5, so I only know what's in the station records, but someone had tried to assassinate Ambassador Kosh. The woman who discovered the sleeper program and activated the alternate personality was the station's resident telepath at the time. She had scanned Ambassador Kosh to try and find out who the attempted killer was. The Psi-Corps had recalled her to Earth shortly afterwards, but I don't know what if any information they managed to get from her."

Linell considered this for a moment. "That is unclear in the synthetic mind's knowledge, but it apparently caused the Psi-Corps to be very interested in the Vorlon, and to think that it would be a good idea to have someone aboard the station to collect information on him and the command staff."

Ivanova felt a little queasy at that. On the other hand, they had sort of confirmed that the real Talia was still in there. "Didn't they implant it correctly? It was supposed to kill Talia off completely. Why didn't it work?"

"She was modified by... Ironheart." Linell paused to recall the name then continued. "It caused structural changes in her brain which isolated the programming instructions that had been distributed throughout her mind. Over a period of time, perhaps weeks, perhaps months, these instructions were collected together into a single unit and encapsulated to further segregate them. You might think of it as analogous to an immune system response, the quarantine of foreign material for purposes of elimination. It appears that the programming was crippled by this action, and perhaps given enough time before activation, it might have been eliminated altogether."

Ivanova absorbed this for a moment. "You mentioned that this... _antiphase_ was only a portion of the data. What is the rest?" she asked curiously.

"They are a record of the other modifications made by Ironheart," Linell said. "We have not yet been able to determine their function, but it appears the Vorlon was very much interested in them."

Ivanova nodded. "So how does all this help Talia?"

"The shell that sheathed the programming interfered with its implementation and prevented it from killing the host personality. It turned itself inside out to envelope the authentic mind instead, protecting her. If we can feed the antiphase to her and then out through the shell, we should be able to expand and invert it back to its original orientation, killing the synthetic mind."

"Why can't we just feed it directly to the alternate personality?"

"We could do so and kill the programming yes, but that would leave the authentic mind trapped. We need to restore the mental space and all of her memories to the authentic personality and free her from the shell." Linell paused and gave Ivanova a direct look. "This is where you come in."

 _Uh oh._ "In what way?" Ivanova braced herself for the answer.

"Although human and Minbari minds are ordinarily much alike, the structure of her mind is no longer ordinary, and you are the only person who has had intimate contact with that altered structure. This and the connection that you share with her make you the necessary conduit."

"I said I'd do anything that I had to," Ivanova said tightly.

"Unfortunately, your abilities are not suitable for the task."

"So that's it?" Ivanova felt like a chasm had suddenly opened up at her feet, leaving her tenuously balanced and gasping. "I came all this way... and there's nothing that can be done?" She felt sick at the thought.

"No, your mind can be prepared. It will take considerable effort, and will depend heavily on your commitment." Linell paused slightly. "It may be quite painful for you, more so than merely halting now and coming to terms with her loss."

Ivanova dropped her eyes, thinking. Could she give up now? _No._ If she wasn't willing to go all the way, then she shouldn't have tried in the first place. But even though she hadn't foreseen any of this, she _had_ made a start, and having started, there was nothing that she could do except see it through to the very end... regardless of cost or consequences to herself. She wouldn't be able to live herself otherwise. _I said I'd get you back, Talia, and I will._ Determined, she once again committed herself to that end.

Linell smiled to herself, able to read Ivanova's thoughts clearly on her face without having to touch her mind. She knew now what Turval had seen in this young woman. "You must rest and strengthen yourself," she said gently. "We have much to prepare."


	7. Awakening

Ivanova spent the next two weeks mastering Minbari meditation forms and reluctantly learning to get the most out of her current telepathic abilities. _An excuse to give me a two week long headache is more like it, Talia. I never wanted to be a telepath._ However, she also had enough time to physically rebuild a little. Her long flight from Babylon 5 had taken a lot out of her: minimal sleep, only as much food as she could force herself to choke down, and the physical exertion and stress of being on the run and fighting for her life all added up until she felt so drained, that even the smallest things were an act of sheer will to accomplish.

Once her mental training was done for the day, she was allowed plenty of time to eat, sleep, and hike around the mountain. The Minbari food, like that on the White Star, was bland, but seemed to give her plenty of energy, the physical exercise prompted her natural resilience to reassert itself, and she soon felt closer to normal. With her telepathic exercise, her sense of Talia grew stronger, so she spent much of her time when alone concentrating on the telepath and her good memories, once again narrowing her focus and awareness, this time to bypass her anxieties about what she was doing here.

Time passed quickly and Ivanova lost track of the days, spending as much free time outside as there were daylight hours available to her. She enjoyed the chill sun and even the wind, acclimating to the thin air so that she could run all the way up to her favorite spot on the saddle pass.

One morning when she headed out, there was a small ship waiting for her on the small plateau that was the base of the telepath's retreat. Ivanova marveled at it. It was about the same size as her starfury, but pattered in silver and blue gleaming in the sun, it was all sleek curves and fluid lines; a smaller, but not lesser White Star. She came around the side to the figure standing next to it. "Turval!"

"It is good to see you, Susan." Turval smiled jovially down at her.

"I'm glad you're here, it's a pleasure to have someone to actually _talk_ to. What brings you?"

"I have something for you." At Ivanova's inquiring look, he added, "The Rangers relayed it from Babylon 5, and I volunteered to deliver it." Turval pulled a small package from a pocket and handed it to her.

Ivanova looked at it for a moment, and then slowly opened it, freezing momentarily at the contents. "Who sent this?"

"That, I do not know. What is in it?" asked Turval.

She handed Turval a small photograph. "This is my family, before the Corps caught up with my mother. The little one is me, and that's my brother Ganya." The other item she cupped in her hand. "And this," she said softly, "is my brother's meritorious service medal, posthumously awarded." She blinked back a threatening tear and unfolded the note that was with it.

Short and to the point, it read: "Thought you might like these. Stay safe and remember the blessing." It was unsigned. "It has to be from John; that is, Captain Sheridan. No one else would know me well enough to choose these."

"What is the blessing?" asked Turval.

Ivanova looked up at him. "May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places where you must walk."

"Ah," murmured Turval. "A very good blessing. We walk in many empty places; I shall have to remember it." He held his hand out. "May I see the medal?" Ivanova handed it to him, expressionless. He examined it carefully before handing it back to her. "How did your brother die?"

"He was killed in the war, at the Battle of the Line," Ivanova said quietly.

Turval looked at her somberly. "Several of my clan members were aboard the Black Star when Sheridan destroyed it."

Ivanova looked him straight in the eye for a very long moment. "The war has been over for a long time. I wasn't old enough to participate and I will make no apologies for either Sheridan or Earth... but I bear no grudge against the Minbari."

Without pause Turval replied, "Nor do I bear a grudge, and I have learned great respect for the humans that I work with. I have always approved of the human expression 'forgive and forget.'"

Ivanova smiled at that. "Yes." She looked down at the medal and the picture. "I haven't thought about my family or Babylon 5 in what seems like forever. I don't even know the date anymore, I lost count."

"By the Earth calendar, it is the fourth week of the month you call December."

"Hanukah. I'd lost track." Ivanova looked back up at Turval, surprised. "It feels like it's been so much longer. Like..." she paused to consider, then sighed. "It feels like that was a whole other life belonging to a whole other person."

"We are who we are, Susan," said Turval quietly. "What is essential does not change, even though circumstances do."

Ivanova shook her head. "I'm not so sure. I sometimes feel like I've lost myself somewhere along the way." She swallowed against a lump in her throat. "What would my brother think if he could see me now? Who will Talia see when she wakes up?" she asked softly, looking down at the picture and medal in her hands.

Once again the romantic in him stirred. "She will see the person that has always been there." He cupped her chin in his hand and tipped her face up to look at him. "You are worrying too much about things that you cannot change."

"I know," she said with a mocking smile. "It's a Russian thing." She abruptly changed the subject and pulled away. "So is that a new type of fighter?"

"Yes. This prototype was finished about six months ago. It was damaged in a skirmish in Sector 14, and has just finished repairs. I am returning it to Entil'Zha."

Ivanova was curious. "Entil'Zha? Skirmish with whom?"

"Entil'Zha is the leader of the Anla'Shok, the Rangers." Turval welcomed her curiosity; it meant she could be kept interested. "He fought the Shadows near the temporal rift in sector 14."

"So the war really is beginning." Ivanova was quiet for a moment, and ran her eyes over the sleek little fighter. "I miss being in space. I'd love to fly one of these." She shot Turval a knowing look before he could reply. "I know, I know. I'd have to become a Ranger first."

Turval smiled, but said nothing.

After Turval left, Ivanova hiked up the mountainside, thinking deeply. In her focus, she had forgotten that there was a world out there, just as she'd forgotten her friends and Babylon 5. They had reached out to her in a way, and ignited her native restlessness. She was tired of being isolated in this cocoon, and felt a strong draw to the Rangers and their cause, Delenn and Turval notwithstanding. Briefly she wondered what kind of weapons the Rangers could bring to bear on an advanced race like the Shadows, but dismissed it. They had to have something, or they couldn't have put their coalition together. She didn't know what Talia would think of the Rangers, they really didn't seem like anything that the telepath would want to be a part of.

Ivanova reached the top, but instead of going to her usual spot, she went further down the backside of the mountain. She stood at the edge of the cliff that ran along the width of the mountain, and looked out over the icy wastes that extended to the horizon.

She'd been feeling conflicted long before she'd left Babylon 5, her thoughts continued. Between the threat of the Shadows, the assassination of the president, and her growing distrust of Clarke, the Nightwatch, and her own government, she'd been questioning many aspects of her life lately, wondering who she was, where she belonged, and what was left anymore for her to be loyal to in a world that seemed to be coming apart at the seams. She'd even gone so far as to express that to Sheridan, right before she'd left. It was a very troubling position for someone who was ordinarily so confident and assured of those things.

And now she was here on Minbar, in a place she could never have imagined to exist, in the process of shaping herself into something she'd never wanted to be. It had been an indirect expression of an inner uncertainty when she'd asked who Talia would see, because she wasn't sure that she knew the answer to that question herself... who, or what exactly, would she be when the Minbari finished with her?

No, Turval was right. Ivanova straightened, squaring her shoulders. She was worrying about things she could not change. Of course the telepath would know her. She knew she could trust Talia. Everything that had happened since the control personality had been activated had proven it. Susan felt an overwhelming gratitude suddenly.

Gratitude that Talia hadn't betrayed Susan to the Corps, even though the Corps had programmed the telepath for betrayal. Gratitude that against all odds, Talia had survived her remorseless execution.

No matter what she had lost, she still had Talia to be loyal to. And that loyalty demanded that she get Talia back. Susan sent a pulse of love down her bond to the unconscious telepath. _It won't be much longer, Talia. I won't let you down._

*

 

The cold sun was just past the mid-point of the day before Ivanova considered returning to the colony below. The wind had shifted and as Ivanova's awareness of her surroundings returned, it brought to her the sound of a distant roar. Easing around series of large boulders from an old rock fall, the roar became louder and she followed it to a tall waterfall. The top of it was invisible far above her and it fell down the shear face of the cliff to disappear beneath the ice sheet below. She stood and enjoyed the view for a while, but as she turned away she caught something odd out of the corner of her eye.

The slope between her and the waterfall was steeper and rockier, jagged and dangerous with loose moraine. She climbed further upwards on what looked like the safest path, wishing she had a safety harness. She angled laterally to get over to a blunt outcrop along the edge of the fall so that she could get a better view below. Her path dead-ended at a precipitous vertical drop, where she was buffeted by the fall's wind and spray. She couldn't get any further, but it didn't matter. On a narrow ledge far below was what she was looking for. She swore softly under her breath.

A Vorlon ship.

It was not Ambassador Kosh's. Its color and conformation were slightly different, and although judging the relative size was difficult from this extreme height, she thought it might be slightly larger. She reached out to it with her mind, despite the distance. The psychic whispers emanating from it were exactly the same; nothing of its mental voice distinguished it from Kosh's ship.

Unlike before, the whispers were now sharp and clear to her, though not very much more intelligible. What little Ivanova could understand sang of solitude and silence, and vast stretches of deep space where only distant starlight danced across its skin. She felt an ache in her chest at the beauty and longing of those visions. Concentrating her mind, she tried to get it to respond to her, but it remained impassive and aloof, just as Kosh's ship always had. It was as if its vision was focused elsewhere, on another dimension that people couldn't see, only rarely turning its gaze away.

After listening to its song for a while, she finally turned away and realized just how tenuous her foothold was. With painstaking caution, she climbed back to where she had been standing before. When she finally made it, her muscles were shaking from exhaustion and she collapsed into a convenient rock and rested for a few minutes, thinking furiously.

Okay, so, a Vorlon was here. It was pretty obvious that Kosh had allowed her to take the data crystal, so it couldn't be that.

She'd always figured that Vorlons avoided telepaths because they had something to hide; that had been her own motivation after all. So why come to a mountain full of them? Apparently they didn't have anything to hide from _these_ telepaths.

If the rest of the data on the crystal related to what Ironheart had done to Talia, then Kosh must have been interested in those changes, whatever they were. Linell had said that it might have taken weeks or months to isolate the Corps' programming, which tracked with when Kosh made the recording, if he had wanted its interference out of the way. But were other Vorlons interested? It would seem so, since one of them had come here... conveniently just as they were close to being able to wake Talia.

_What do you think, Talia? Coincidence?_ Ivanova didn't think so either.

So with the exception of the activation of the artificial personality in Talia (if you could consider that accidental), none of this episode had been an accident.

Conclusion: They _wanted_ Talia here. Corollary 1: They had needed Ivanova to bring her. Corollary 2: There was a high likelihood that Kosh had exerted some influence over her to get her to behave so uncharacteristically and leave her life and crewmates behind.

Ivanova felt sick at the thought. One of her reoccurring nightmares was that she was mistaken about Talia's feelings and that she had thrown her life away in pursuit of an illusion. So had Kosh merely given her a nudge in the right direction, or had he created the illusion wholesale?

She stood, brushing the dust off her clothes. It was time to find out what was really going on.

 

*

 

The air was different when Ivanova returned and entered the cavern; all the mental voices were quiet. Without thinking how she knew or why, she immediately headed to the chamber where she had been scanned. The silence was eerie, and her footsteps sounded loud on the stone floor. Even the lights in the walls were dimmed and every corner and pocket in the rock was filled with deep shadows.

As Ivanova approached the chamber, a tense expectation filled the air, and she could faintly hear a high pitched sibilant hiss. The spookiness was getting to her and she slowed her steps to try and settle her nerves. Still, she didn't hesitate when she reached the chamber but went right in.

Ivanova immediately stopped in her tracks. The chamber was much larger than she had realized from her previous visits, and far at the back was an oddly shaped monolith. On a regular Minbari bed in front of it was Talia, still unconscious, limbs neatly arranged. She and the roughly hewn rock monument were silhouetted against a bright red sun of energetic tentacles that crackled and arced through the charged air like constantly moving plasma filaments, making it smell faintly of ozone.

Entranced by the display, she did not immediately notice that all of the Minbari telepaths were in the chamber. They were kneeling with eyes closed in meditative pose, forming precise semicircular rows around the monolith, their minds perfectly silent. They had left a curving pathway between them to the monument and Ivanova started down it, drawn by an impulse that she didn't understand and couldn't resist.

As she passed the innermost ring of telepaths and approached Talia's bed, one of the tendrils of plasma started swaying back and forth in front of her like a cobra, a deadly hypnotic flame. Ivanova watched in horrified fascination, not even able to summon the impulse to turn and run. It swelled and pulsated reaching out to envelope both her and Talia. She collapsed on the ground next to Talia, unable to cry out in fear as her mind was swept into a swirling vortex of discordant color, light and sound.

Pain roared through her. Like a cyclone uprooting forests and overturning whole cities, its relentless whirling chaos shredded every thought and cry. She was breathing fire, her lungs burning, every vein and capillary scalding as the blood in them reached boiling point and every sense that she had of the world was swept away in the storm. Relentlessly harried out of every remote corner of her mind that she found to hide and unable to stem the unremitting torrent of energy, her will weakened until in final desperation she let even that go like ballast and surrendered, submerging into a numb darkness and losing consciousness.

When her awareness returned, the river of energy flooding into her mind had moderated. Her connection to Talia was once again burning in her mind and she felt drawn to the telepath as never before. Compelled by the flow and not even certain whether she was the one in control, she reached for the real Talia with her mind. The barrier protecting Talia resisted, but with the force of the Vorlon and Minbari behind her she tunneled through effortlessly.

From inside, the barrier felt much more like a part of Talia. It was translucent in a telepathic way, like a slightly cloudy one-way mirror, and she could faintly detect through it Talia's memories still in possession of the alternate personality. Her attention was turned to the bond that connected her to Talia, exploring where it had come from and how it had come to be. The telepath's memories were weak coming through the barrier, but another pulse of energy from the Vorlon clarified them. Steeling herself to relive the scene in Sheridan's office, she carefully started sifting through Talia's memory of the moments leading up to the program's activation.

Through Talia's eyes she entered the Captain's office, seeing herself with her back turned and the Captain just turning back towards the door. Lyta Alexander was on her periphery to the right, head bowed, with her hand at her temple as if she had a headache. "Ah, Captain. There you are. I was looking for you." The thought was interrupted by the whisper of Lyta's voice in her mind... and then pain, so much pain... She fell back, momentarily blacking out, and was caught by Garibaldi before she hit the floor. Then cold and mechanical consciousness returned, and she grabbed Garibaldi's PPG and swung it around.

The horror of that moment was a challenge to Ivanova's self-control, but the Vorlon's energy didn't allow her to waver. There had definitely been something... She reran the scene again, from the sound of Lyta's voice. Pain, then more pain, then nothingness, then coldness. _Again. Slower._ Pain, the programming struggled outwards against its sheath, wrenching the reinforcing filaments connecting the sheath to Talia's mind. Then more pain; unable to completely contain the programming, the sheath ruptured, folding back on itself; Talia struggling against the program, trying to keep control, even as she was protectively encased. Then consciousness flickered, and there was one opportunity – one only – before she was forced to shut down. A telepathic cry, an SOS to the one she loved who was standing so near and yet so far... _Susan!_

There it was. Ivanova reran that final call one more time, trying to mesh it with her own memory of that moment. Yes, she had felt something; one of those filaments had shot out at the speed of a thought, and tangled itself in her mind. But she had been too upset at Sheridan for forcing her to accept the password, too furious at Lyta for sending it, and too focused on what had just happened to herself to hear Talia.

Before she could chastise herself for her selfishness, Ivanova was hit by a powerful burst of psionic energy that rocked her unconscious. Awareness returned to her almost immediately and she tingled painfully, like frostbitten fingers warming too fast. She alternately seared and froze, bringing back the startling contrast of Talia's heat and the alternate personality's coldness.

The energy pouring through her intensified and became like an avalanche of discrete elements that splintered her into an array of faceted pieces. The fragments of her mind were pushed further and further apart by the power of the flow as their angles redirected the forces in all directions, creating turbulence in an infinite number of smaller streams. Without her conscious thought, the sharpened shards of her mind were focused and channeled into a weapon. Directed at the alternate personality's programming, every last command was hunted, driven and shredded. But through the chaos of the war within her mind, her sense of Talia remained; the telepath's signal was like a lodestone that kept her oriented and tied to herself.


	8. Eos

Susan floated mindlessly in an endless cobalt sky full of stars, held aloft like a leaf on a breeze. After an eternity she drifted slowly downwards and at long last was deposited gently on a beach of fine coral sand. Dawn brightened the air around her and threw soft colors across the sky. The gentle lap of waves sounded nearby and from somewhere overhead a sea bird called.

She lay exhausted and numb, cradled by the warm sand, her only comfort Talia's presence in her mind. It was significantly stronger now and she clung to it gratefully.

Presently she contemplated the possibility of getting up and exploring this place. But before she could act on the impulse, a loving presence filled Susan like a benediction, and a sensation like a ghostly kiss brushed Susan's forehead.

It was a presence that she recognized and she was transported back to childhood. _Mama?_ Tears started streaming down Susan's face. _I've missed you so much._

A voice whispered through her. _I am always with you, Susatchka._

Guilt reared its head. _I'm sorry I didn't keep the secret, Mama._

_There is nothing to forgive, child._

Again Susan felt the ghostly kiss. She wiped her tears.

_Be strong and love well, child. For then no shadow can harm you when the great darkness comes._

Susan reached out with her mind. _I love you, Mama._

_I love you too, Susatchka._

Her mother's warm healing embrace wrapped around Susan for a long moment, and then her spirit was gone with a sound like the beating of wings, leaving both sorrow and peace in her wake.

 

*

 

Susan awoke to the blinking of a small pale blue light in the darkness in front of her, a stream of air flowing gently over her face. She could feel her body again, which was not in pain, and her head, which was. She could neither move nor speak, but she could breathe and focused what concentration and control she could muster into taking several deep breaths. It must have been pure oxygen blowing on her face, for it cleared her head and the pain receded to a more bearable level.

After a time she noticed that the blue light was blinking with her heartbeat, and concentrated on it. It was hypnotic, and she found that her heart slowed as it did, and her eyelids grew heavy. Finally with a sigh, she slept.

 

*

 

Talia awoke slowly to a warm silence.  She could feel strong psychic vibrations echoing through her mind, but she 'heard' no voices.  She wondered idly what that meant, but felt no inclination to open her eyes or mind to investigate.  This warm silence felt safe, even cozy, she decided, and she drifted thoughtlessly in it for a while.  Gradually the feeling of being watched stole over her and she debated opening her own eyes to see who or what was doing the watching.  Her eyelids rebelled at first, feeling as if they had not been opened for a long while.  She pondered that thought momentarily. _Why don't I remember?_   Everything seemed so fuzzy.  She tried again and this time succeeded in cracking them slightly, hesitantly expecting bright light.  But the light didn't hurt, so she forced her eyes the rest of the way open.

There was indeed someone watching with ferocious intentness. It was Susan, her face much thinner and more angular than she remembered, but softened by her long hair falling loosely around her shoulders. There were faint circles under her eyes and deeper shadows within them. Looking into them, Talia knew suddenly where the psychic energy filling her mind was coming from. "Susan?" she managed to whisper hoarsely.  "How..."

Susan seemed unsurprised at the question, understanding exactly what Talia was asking.  "It's a long story best told when you're stronger," she said softly.  "How do you feel?"

Talia cleared her throat.  Apparently her eyes weren't the only things she hadn't used in a while.  "Weak.  Thirsty."

When Talia's stasis bed had been exchanged for a regular one, Susan had pushed hers together with it and propped both bottom ends up with chunks of rock and crystal that she'd hauled in, so that they were only slightly tilted. Susan slipped an arm under Talia's shoulders and gently slid behind so that the telepath was cradled against her chest. She slipped a small piece of nutrient gel into Talia's mouth, and then held up water for her to drink. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you." Talia laid her head back with a sigh.  Susan shifted the telepath gently until she was tucked closely against her side, the blond head resting on her shoulder.

Talia said hesitantly, "I have... been having... odd... dreams.  How long have I been asleep?"  She looked around the cavern.  She was pretty sure she'd never been in such a place. "Where are we?"  She wasn't frightened exactly, but sudden worry settled in her stomach.  How much time really had passed since she'd last been awake?  She tried to remember, but her mind was sluggish and she couldn't seem to think.

Susan felt Talia's increasing agitation and gave her a mental stroke to try and calm her. She rolled slightly so that she was facing the telepath. "We're someplace safe. Just rest."

Talia tried to quell her upset, but the harder she tried to remember, the worse it got. Thinking felt like walking through glue, and the more she fought the stickier it became. "Please, Susan. I need to know. This is starting to worry me."

"Shh, easy baby..." Susan did her best to do as Churt would and sent soothing energy into Talia's mind. "It'll come easier if you relax. Now what's the last thing you remember on Babylon 5?"

Talia's brow furrowed in concentration, and she drew as much energy as should from Susan.  "I don't... wait, there was something... We had breakfast didn't we?  Then later I was looking for Captain Sheridan."  She tilted her head to see Susan's face. "I remember walking into his office, but then everything just stops."  Her brow furrowed again.  "No wait, Lyta Alexander was there.  And then..."  She closed her eyes.  "Then pain.  So much pain.  And... and...  darkness.  Then the strange dreams start."

Susan rested her forehead against Talia's, and gently slipped into her mind. In a single snapshot, she shared what the Psi-Corps had implanted in her. And when Talia gave a half sob of understanding, she tucked Talia's head under her chin and hugged her closer. "I'm sorry Talia," she whispered. "So, so sorry."

"Oh, god," Talia gasped. "But _why?_ " She struggled silently for several minutes to wrap her mind around what they had done to her.  "It was supposed to kill my personality," she said finally.  "But I remember things.  And I'm here.  Didn't it work?"

"Yes and no.  The alternate personality did take over.  But either it wasn't strong enough or wasn't prepared enough to kill you.  The Minbari think that the changes Ironheart made saved you. I don't know what the true answer is."  She closed her eyes at the sharp pain that shot through her as she remembered her time with the alternate personality.  "I went to see you, the alternate anyway, to see if any part of you remained.  She said that she'd killed you and I believed her, but something kept nagging me."  She cupped Talia's face in her hand and caressed the telepath's cheek with her thumb.  "It was just this funny sensation in the back of my mind.  Like the echo of a whisper.  And it felt like _you_."

Some part of the pain that Susan couldn't prevent from escaping made it through Talia's still confused mind, and the telepath winced at what Susan must have gone through.  "And then what happened?"

"Well to make a long story short, I stole a data crystal from Ambassador Kosh, kidnapped you, and ran.  I convinced Ambassador Delenn to give us asylum, evaded the Psi-Corps through five quadrants, and here we are."  She gave a faint rakish smile, "Garabaldi and Sheridan are probably near the top of the list of people who want me shot.  I left them quite a few 'surprises' before I left.  Probably took them a week to straighten all their systems out."

Talia smiled slightly at that, but was still concerned.  "I'm sure there's more to it than that.  Where is _here_ specifically and how long has it been?"

"It will be the new year soon," Susan said. "We're in a remote mountain on Minbar, with a group of Minbari telepaths.  They helped bring you back."

Talia considered that for a long moment.  "And has the programming really been removed?  I mean, I'm here, but..."

Susan kissed Talia's temple. "Yes, all of the programming has been removed. You're really you again."

Talia took Susan's hand and held it against her cheek. "And your telepathic abilities? You don't feel like a P1 anymore."

"No, I'm still a P1, I've just learned how to use and control what I have. Any difference that you feel is due to the bond between us." Susan slipped back into Talia's mind and showed her the connection that the telepath had created in that final moment. "You're the only one that I'm this sensitive to."

Talia stayed quiet for a long time, trying to adjust to such an unlikely change in circumstances, glad that Susan seemed content to let the silence stretch out. Finally she said, "How much are you not telling me? I know that you hated and feared your abilities... what did it cost you to come this far?"

Susan smiled gently. "Much less than you're worth."

"But why did you do it?" Talia watched Susan's reaction carefully.

"Because I love you," Susan said simply. She caressed Talia's cheek and then pulled the telepath's head forward to kiss her forehead.  "Sleep now, ok?  Everything is going to be all right."

Talia closed her eyes and slept. Susan drifted closer and closer to sleep, then jerked back awake at the last second with a feeling of darkness at the edge of her mind... the desolation of a starless night, the yawning of an endless abyss, the blackness of an Omega... She scrambled in a panic to feel for Talia's mind. But no, the woman in her arms was only sleeping. She forced the nightmare away, trying to convince herself that everything really was all right.

Susan gave up trying to sleep and remained still until she was sure that Talia was deeply asleep before sliding out from under the telepath and laying her carefully back down.  She went into the little alcove and splashed water on her face, then like a dam giving way the tears started and she slid to the floor.  Every fear, every hurt, every grief that she had kept locked inside ever since that disastrous day when her love and her world had fallen apart... all of them came spilling out in long shuddering sobs.  But mostly she cried out of relief.  It really was _her_ Talia looking out of those eyes.

At long last the tears were spent.  Susan stood and splashed more cold water on her face.  Then she returned to lay down next to Talia under the coverlet, careful to not disturb the sleeping woman.  At the close press of her body, Talia murmured in her sleep and rolled over to snuggle against her.  Susan cradled Talia's sleeping mind in hers and likewise settled her arms snugly to cradle Talia's body, then she drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

The dark night was over and the clear day had finally dawned.


	9. Epilog

Talia Winters: Personal Addendum

 

It's been more than two months now since my... Recovery? Reintegration? Reanimation? How do I tell if what I am now isn't as artificial as what the Corps had implanted in me? Susan says that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference one way or the other, so I might as well assume that I am the real thing and not worry about it.

That is not comforting.

My life had been turned upside down and my mind inside out, and that mental bond between us, created in pain and terror and the means of my eventual deliverance, was a lifeline to me. Susan didn't leave my side or my mind the first few weeks, when I had to relearn everything from how to eat and how to walk, to how to cry. I fell asleep cradled in her mind and awoke in the warmth of her arms, listening to the comforting beat of her heart under my ear. The scars are still there in my mind, although they are lessening with time and the help of her and Churt. (I'm as fond of that unspeaking enigma as Susan is.)

The most amazing thing to me was how open she was about loving me. I was attracted to her at first sight and fell the rest of the way in love when I learned her mother's story. I hadn't scanned her, but I still sensed the underlying grief that gave immeasurable depth to her beauty. Our one night together On Babylon 5 had been incredible and in our joining I had felt how much she loved me, but like so many things, Susan kept it buried deep. To have her be so open about it now was a constant source of amazement.

It was only a week ago that I felt my mind healed enough to do what I'd wanted to do almost since the moment I'd awakened here… make love to her.

She was hesitant at first. _You're sure, you're well enough?_

My nonverbal response readily convinced her and she responded with a fierce but tender hunger that swept us both relentlessly onward. It was magical the way our bond expanded to take us over completely. The reverberations rippled through us for a very long time.

Unfortunately, activating the bond that deeply unlocked something else entirely. I awoke a few hours later to Susan's screams in my mind, her body twitching in my arms. I slipped into her mind to wake her gently. The alien images were incomprehensible, but the pain was not. She awoke finally and I held her tightly, murmuring comfortingly as she took long shuddering breaths. When she seemed to have calmed slightly I asked, "Are you all right? That was terrible." I softly tugged her face up and saw that it was streaming with tears.

"I couldn't make it stop," she whispered. "There was so much pain; it tore my mind to pieces."

"Shh," I rocked her and wrapped her still tighter with both arms and legs.

"I wanted to shout, struggle, anything, but it paralyzed me and I couldn't _do_ anything," she continued, dissolving into harsh sobs.

I comforted her as much as I could, mind and body, but the dreams didn't stop. They've visited her every night since. She soon stopped leaving our quarters unless it was to go outside and spend time up on the mountain. When I asked, she said she didn't want to go near any of the other telepaths, not even Churt. "They stood by, Talia. They knew, they _helped_ for god's sake, and they didn't warn me."

"They said nothing at all?"

"They said it would hurt. They didn't say that it would destroy me." She turned away and wouldn't say anything else.

I knew I wouldn't be able to get anything further out of her for the moment. Still, I wasn't going to give up entirely and sweet talked her into helping me up the mountain. She'd be more open up there and hopefully I'd get another chance.

The path between the jumbled rocks and crystals that she had worn down was a struggle for me, even after all the physical rebuilding that I had done since my recovery, and though I had tried before, I hadn't yet made it to the top. But I was determined that today I would make it; she spent too much time up there alone.

It seemed to take forever. We stopped part way up and looked back over the valley below while I panted heavily and tried to catch my breath. Susan had called it stark, and that was the right word. Devoid of life, the rugged foreboding peaks and the disordered clusters of dark angular rock and crystal didn't even have simple lichen to keep them company. Not a thing moved or made a sound except the wind. We were far enough up the mountain that I couldn't even feel the minds of the telepaths in the colony below. That constant mental background hum that a telepath endures was gone, telling me why Susan spent so much time up here.

At long last we made the pass and paused again to rest, taking in one last view of the valley. It had still been early when we started out but was now almost midday, and what heat there was from the sun was whipped away by the wind. We finally headed to the backside and the cliff that overlooked the vast ice sheet.

I gazed out over the artic wastes that she had described to me but that I hadn't seen before. Once done studying the ice, I turned to study her and wondered what to say to get her to open up.

Susan's spare muscular frame was still too thin in my opinion, although she wasn't as gaunt as she'd been when I'd awoken. But the climb had relaxed her and the deeply etched lines of worry and exhaustion were almost erased from her face. Not quite the face I had fallen in love with so long ago, but closer than I'd seen her since awakening here. I was still musing over my memories when sharp blue eyes found me.

"Come on, I know a good place to sit." She led me along the cliff to a sunny spot out of the wind and we sat on a rock and leaned against a large slab of crystal. The rock that we sat on was one of hundreds of boulders and crystal chunks of varying sizes scattered along the rough irregular cliff that spanned the backside of the mountain. Our bond was quiet for the most part, just the occasional image flickering by, but I drew comfort from the fact that she wasn't completely blocking me. I slid an arm around her and squeezed, projecting my contentment. She took my hand and lifted it to her lips, kissing the back of my hand. I smiled and squeezed her again.

As we sat in silence, I gradually became aware of a faint sound that was barely audible above the wind. "What's that noise?"

"A waterfall. Want to see it?"

Rested now, I stood and stretched. "Of course! Lead the way."

Susan picked a careful path along the cliff until I could see the immense flow and feel its thunder through my feet. "Why didn't you tell me this was here?" It was achingly beautiful and I laughed out loud. "Come on, let's get closer."

I started off, but Susan didn't follow me, just stood there with a disturbed look on her face. "No, it's too dangerous; I went over there once already."

Hearing something in her tone, I walked back over and took her hand. Just as our skin touched I caught an image from her mind. "A Vorlon?" I was shocked. "Here? Whatever for?"

Susan jerked her hand away and said nothing, but I could feel the pain surrounding the image before she blocked it from me.

"Susan," I said softly. "Share it with me, please? It hurts me to see this tearing you apart." I cupped her cheek in my hand. "You can't go on like this and I can't go on without you. Let me help you as you did me," my voice faltered and I bit my lip. "I need you."

She looked at me silently for a long time and in her eyes I caught the barest glimpse of that remaining splinter of wounded child that usually remained deeply hidden. She nodded finally. _Anything for you._ We sat down again and I held her tightly against me as she reached out with her mind. I willed her my support and together we walked into the perfect clarity of Susan's memory.

At first there were brief flashes of the journey here; she'd told me much of the story, but hadn't shared it directly like this. The whirlwind flight escaping Babylon 5… The dogfight against the Black Omegas and first sight of the White Star… A glimpse of my own face twisted into a snarl by the alternate personality.

Susan watched silently as I explored her memories. I was alternately amazed by her perseverance and resourcefulness, and proud of her courage. Her time with the alternate personality in particular both fascinated and repelled me. It hurt to see the pain that I caused her while the alternate personality was in control – try as I might I couldn't see the alternate as completely separate from me, even though the memories from her that I have left are fading.

I felt disagreement from Susan. She showed me the memory of touching the empty coldness of the alternate's mind. _There was no part of you in her_.

I reflected gratitude back and continued my explorations. Finally I found a dark well-hidden corner; a nearly invisible fold in her mind. In fact, if our bond hadn't drawn me there, I would have never found it no matter how deeply I might have scanned her. Susan flinched when I neared it but didn't try to stop me from probing it.

I held her body tighter to me and reached out to it cautiously to touch it again, trying to open it, but jerked back at the pain radiating from it. This then was where she buried the memories during the day only to have them escape at night to torment her. A deep instinct told me what story she had hidden here and I stopped to consider whether I wanted to see it. But no, Susan had carried the burden of this memory alone for too long and with a deep breath I reached into it.

I was flooded with the searing cacophony of the Vorlon as it modified Susan and deepened our bond, and then as it destroyed the programming of the alternate personality. Even viewing it second hand was horrific. It was made worse by the callous indifference the Vorlon had shown to the effect on Susan. There was no violation of her body that could equal the violation of her mind. Forced to become what she'd always hated and feared… the damage to her sense of self was immense.

The distress radiating from Susan broke through my horror at last and turned away from the memories in order to concentrate on her.

"I don't know who I am anymore," Susan whispered roughly, a tear sliding down her face. "That _thing_ tore my mind into little tiny pieces and reassembled them into someone else." She barked a harsh laugh that startled me with its loudness. "Sometimes I think that I'm no different – no better – than the alternate personality."

I was shocked by that but she continued before I could contradict her. "I was so fixated on getting you back… obsessed even, that now that you're here…"  She took a ragged breath as I pulled the dark head gently down to rest on my shoulder.  "It's like I've awoken from a nightmare to find that I've been sleepwalking and I'm lost," Susan continued. I stroked her hair softly and murmured soothingly in her ear, and the tears finally overcame Susan's efforts to keep them back.

"I've always known exactly who I was and what was expected of me, and now… I've lost everything." Swamped by everything, her unfiltered anguish flooded into me. "Myself most of all."

I remained silent, absorbing the agony radiating out of Susan as the former Commander sobbed in my arms. That unshakable confidence that had always been the core of Susan Ivanova had been splintered by the events of these last months, and I was certain that it wouldn't take too much more to destroy what little was left. I reached out with my mind, putting all of my effort into flooding warmth and love into her, trying to seal all of the cracks and fill all of the holes.

We stayed like that and I rocked her silently for a long time. Then, "Susan, do you remember our last night together on Babylon 5?" She shifted in my arms but didn't pull away. "No walls, no barriers, no secrets between us. It was the most profound joining I have ever experienced." I paused to give her a chance to respond, but she remained silent.

I touched the root of our bond in her mind and let it fill our consciousness. _This is us._ Enveloping her in all the warmth and love that I could muster, I allowed memories of her to play through my mind. Everything I knew of her, every time I'd seen and spoken and argued with her, even yelled at her… I showed them all to her. The night we'd made love especially, the deep velvety texture of her mind and the memories that she'd shared with me.

 _But you're right in a way,_ I said finally. _You aren't that person any more, not entirely._ She stiffened in my arms and I could feel the hurt she felt, but I persevered. "The person who commanded Babylon 5 was distant, hidden behind protective walls," I whispered. Hurt changed to confusion and I willed her to keep listening. "You built those walls as a child when your mother was taken from you," I continued gently. She stiffened again but didn't pull away. "You have returned to the real you; the person you haven't been since she died."

I drew her face up to mine and kissed her. "Do you understand what a gift every moment with you is? You're so open to me now, even when you don't say the words, every look every touch tells me how much you love me." I dropped another kiss to her lips. "I love you, _all_ of you, more than ever."

Fresh tears filled her eyes and she buried her face into my shoulder again. I could hear her heartbeat in my mind and waited until it slowed and she was calm once more. In the solid security of our union, Susan brought out the memories of what the Vorlon had done to her one by one. They had lost some of their power now and they started to fade and dissolve in the face of our joined strength. I knew it would take a long time for them to completely lose their hold, but perhaps their malevolent shadow wouldn't haunt her sleep any longer.

We were very deeply joined now, mind in mind, soul in soul. Susan's mind was even more open to me now and we felt a subtle shift, a deepening and settling of the bond between us. We sat and soaked in this new depth to our union for a very long time.

 

*

 

It was twilight when we neared the plateau; the sky was deceptively light for it hardly illuminated the ground in front of us at all. My feet were so blistered by that time that Susan had practically been carrying me for the last half hour.

We had stopped yet again to rest, Susan as exhausted as I, when Churt's tall form loomed over us. It was closer to full dark now although one of the moons had risen. He chided us in his wordless way for making him worry and helped us both the rest of the way to the cavern. Susan accepted the help unwillingly, forgiveness not coming easy to her. I silently encouraged her as best I could.

When we arrived back at our quarters, he set me down on our bed gently and then turned to Susan. He placed one long fingered hand against her cheek and tilted her face up to his. His eyes were fathomless and dark as he gazed at her, then a deep basso profundo voice whispered through us.

_We understood not._

Susan's eyes widened in shock and I echoed the feeling.

_We are sorry._

With a final caress of Susan's cheek, he bowed to us deeply and left.

Susan and I gazed at one another silently for a long moment, though I could tell the wheels were turning in her head. But that was another thing that would take time. I held my hand out to her. "Come to bed, Susan."

She helped me get the shoes off my aching feet then kicked off her own and settled onto the bed next to me. I pulled the coverlet up and tugged her head down to rest on my shoulder. She settled against me with a quiet sigh and I soaked in her warmth and wrapped her up with mind and body. _Sleep, love._

Obedient for once, she slept. After watching over her for a while I followed her into sleep, and for the first time in a long time we did not dream.

:end:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long (long long long) last done!
> 
> Questions, comments, suggestions, insults, or typos can be directed here: atomic.space.kitteh [at] gmail [dot] com
> 
> =^..^=


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